Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

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rizasukman
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Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by rizasukman » Sun Nov 01, 2015 10:50 pm

Hi,

A) I have an issue with my ability (lack thereof) to intellectualise and conduct organisational planning and thinking in my mind. It has affected me in my life recently through a variety of different ways:

1. learning a new language (French)
2. resistive to organising and planning (yoga classes that I teach)
3. planning my future (day, week, month, year, etc.)
4. making rational argumentation and/or discussion with people leading to an end of making sense

All of this leaves me seeming/feeling to be quite dysfunctional and helpless. I think that I have some blocks to education and of using my brain. Perhaps some beliefs about being stupid or intentionally using stupidity to get back at people who I feel I have harmed me (ie. parents). Now I am feeling somewhat stuck or suspended in a state of mental dyfunctionality, indecision, and doubt.

Despite the above fore-mentioned, I feel that I can feel, but I have difficulty knowing exactly what is true and untrue using the faculties of my intellectual mind. This is especially evident when it comes to me making decisions using my intellect as a tool for deliberation. My mind and my emotions clash and/or play tricks on each other.

B) Second issue with not knowing the difference between being angry and being afraid in a special circumstance during the night. I wake up with fear of being angry and that staying in a state of anger will lead me to developing some sort of physical illness, so I get up from the bed and try to express some of my anger to release it. But, when I do this I feel a large amount of resistance to feeling and releasing the anger. Also, I feel the fear is related to childhood anger which I am terrified of expressing or feeling, and I also am terrified of having the anger which may potentially be the cause of damage to my body. I have reason to believe the childhood anger has to do with sexuality but I don't have enough clarity as to what exactly, but I do know I feel conflicted about wanting sexuality and not wanting it at the same time.

Also not knowing if I am afraid due to spirit manipulation and attack or if I am angry as a result of spirit manipulation and attack. Basically not knowing if and/or when spirits are involved and why this is helpful? Confusion between fear and anger.

C) Lastly a sense of doubt that is coupled with stuckness (should I stay or should I go, anxiety to stay and anxiety to leave, not knowing what decision to take). I was stuck in the birth canal for quite some time during my birth, before the doctor decided to take me out through a C-section operation. This may or may not be related. I have lots of physical tension (muscular armouring) in my diaphragm, upper-ribcage, shoulder and neck areas which go through a shaking, cramping process when feel the resistance of stuckness.

Any input is greatly appreciated. This may be confusing even to answer but I am not sure how to deliver it in the best way.
Riza Sukman
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LauraR
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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by LauraR » Wed Nov 04, 2015 11:29 pm

Hello Riza,
I just wanted to say that I am feeling the stuckness and what feels like my mind is not operating properly. I am not seeing options in my life - it's like I look for an answer and my brain just stops - nothing there - vast emptiness.
I am also experiencing the stay or go? With lots of anxiety. I don't know how to make a proper decision - there is fear either way.
I don't know how much is spirit influence and how much is childhood hurts. Even if it is spirit influence the law of attraction would be involved - spirits attracted to our unfelt emotions.
I do know that Jesus and Mary (and others) say intellectualizing may help to a degree but in the end, we have to feel through it. Knowing what we are "supposed" to be feeling through itself is more intellectualizing and means we want to have some control over what the feeling is going to be.
Just in the last couple of days I have understood that emotions that I thought I previously understood "intellectually" were in error. The one thing the intellect seems to do is to take us on long and winding roads that somehow wrap themselves back into each other. Too bad I cannot leave breadcrumbs in my mind.
I have been praying, asking for assistance and to know God's truth. I believe that is why I have been able to feel the error in my previous beliefs.
I hope this helps a bit.
Laura

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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by LauraR » Thu Nov 05, 2015 3:06 pm

Hello Riza,
After posting my reply to you yesterday, I randomly choose a Divine Truth video to watch. It was the perfect one! It is about understanding the self - about an hour and 10 minutes into the video a young man asks about how he feels dumb/stupid. Jesus explains this is part of the facade self.
I am very thankful I was guided to this video. It explains a lot. Now I understand a bit more about how all the selves work (and have felt them).
As an aside - I thought I had either listened or watched every video and thought I was understanding and taking it all in - that was my own arrogance and my facade self at work. I am glad to recognize it - now time to deconstruct it!
My best to you,
Laura
I don't know how to copy/paste the link but the title of the video is below.
Assistance Group 2014 NSW Australia Group 1
Understanding Self Introduction

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rizasukman
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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by rizasukman » Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:13 pm

Hi Laura,

Thanks for the input. Both posts had some useful advice for me. The 1st about praying, asking for assistance, and to know God's truth. In the 2nd about the specific video link and the minute. Thanks for that.

Response question to the 1st part. How do you know if you get answers to the questions that you ask about? I ask this because...these days when I sit down to do what I feel to be "praying" and begin to talk to God, and/or ask a question, sometimes I won't even get to ask the question before I begin to emotionally jump on to a whole other emotional issue altogether. Ie, I ask a question about not being able to think properly and then I have an issue about unworthiness come up with God.

It seems very nice to be able to ask questions during prayer and to ask with longing for more of God's love but I am doubting if the answers are actually coming or not. There is an emotion about doubt that I need to work through probably. Because even when I seem to get answers about other things, I still doubt if my prayer is working...and that is because I find it difficult to use logic (after the fact) to come to any conclusions about what I have worked through and/or have gotten answers to or not.

If you mind me asking, how did you come across the divine truth material? It's good to know there are people out there (i.e.. in the USA) who are watching and interested!
Riza Sukman
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+32-485-686-282

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rizasukman
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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by rizasukman » Thu Nov 05, 2015 8:14 pm

Thanks again, so much for the video bookmark!
Riza Sukman
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LauraR
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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by LauraR » Fri Nov 06, 2015 2:04 pm

Hello Riza,
I am still learning, but I will do my best to answer your question regarding the responses I receive to my questions and it is also the way in which I found the Divine Love Path.
A few years ago I read where if you wanted to know something you have to ask the question first - it seemed simple enough so I started writing 3 questions to God each day (MY definition of God at the time - which was in error). Most days I journal at least an hour in the morning when I first get up. I might write about my law of attraction events of the day before or maybe about the dreams I had that night. During my morning time I will also listen to Divine Truth, read the Bible, The Padgett Messages or the Through the Mists books etc. as I am doing those activities questions come up as well - so I will ask a question. I am not looking for a yes or no answer and I am not expecting an immediate response ( I inderstand now those expectations are addictions) although sometimes I do recieve immediate feedback.
For me what is most important when I am writing, asking the questions or receiving the responses is body awareness - there is a feeling in the body when something is in error. For example - think of a time when you told a lie - there was a feeling in the body - yes? Or think of a time when you knew someone was lying to you - you get a gut feeling - yes? The more aware I become of the physical feelings in my body I have been able to perceive subtle nuances - I believe this is part of what Jesus talks about when he says we will be able to know people by their emotions - emotions are physical vibrations that we are able to perceive and interpret. When I am writing and get that - oops there was an icky feeling in my stomach or that response was just to sugar sweet - I know I have to dig deeper. The thing is you will have to start becoming more aware of what are your own feelings are versus feelings from Spirits - shoot I think I might be going way too deep on this?

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How I found Divine Truth

Post by LauraR » Fri Nov 06, 2015 2:19 pm

Part 2-
I found Divine Truth by asking questions. I didn't like the idea of reincarnation - in fact, I got one of those gut feelings like something was wrong with it. So I asked if reincarnation was true? I also didn't feel "right" about Hell either, so I asked if hell was real.
I was also reading a lot of new age/spiritual books and reading about what other people thought Jesus did or said in his life. I was reading Paramahansa Yogananda's interpretation of the Bible and what he thought Jesus "meant" and I thought "why am I asking all these other people - why don't I just go to Jesus?" Then I was guided to the Divine Truth webpage - I didn't know I was looking there for an answer to that question - I was actually looking up a definition of a word. I got to the website and listened to AJ and got my answer to all 3 questions.Pretty crazy!
Laura

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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by Mary » Fri Nov 20, 2015 4:27 am

Hi Riza,

All of the problems that you highlight in your original post - that is Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision - all relate in your case to the suppression of intense fear. It is this suppression that is interfering with your ability to think clearly, and towards you living in constant doubt and indecision.

If you refer to some comments I made to Mia about her addiction to approval in this thread:

http://forum.divinetruthhub.com/viewtop ... f=25&t=562

Specifically:
This covers a fear/terror based feeling coming from the fact that you were made to feel responsible for everyone's happiness in your childhood environment and if you didn't make them happy then you were in big trouble. This 'trouble' may have taken the form of complete withdrawal of love, severe disapproval or perhaps in other ways – you would know best.

This is a terrible crushing feeling and does, as you have noted, drive most people into a life of façade and a feeling of not really knowing themselves as they are always responding to whoever in their environment poses the biggest emotional or physical threat of violent disapproval.
I think that you will find that you have many of those same fears, especially in your case in your relationships with women. Living in these fears is what is causing you to feel so disconnected from yourself.

Love
Mary

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rizasukman
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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by rizasukman » Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:45 pm

Dear all,

I've gone off and contemplated upon and felt some about this issue. It has now morphed and developed more specifically into a block that I would describe as an addiction to inactivity. I link my inactivity with an anger based desire for vengeance on my mother, and generalised feeling towards women in general, where I have sacrificed my own life and activity in order to get back at my mom for the harm I feel she caused me as a child. Due to the powerlessness and worthlessness I feel, for some illogical reason I have decided to self-sabotage my own life. Now I am highly inactive and have difficulty connecting with motivation to act and practicing my passion. The unlovingness that is stuck in me is really harming me and I am blocked, not sure what steps to take next?

I feel, there is fear involved here also, because I feel it isn't all done out of anger. My father was an alcoholic and absent and I hypothesise that a lot of my pain/fear about a father's absence, dysfunctionality, and unreliability has accentuated the sourness between my mother and I. A lot of emotional condescension towards men and beliefs about masculinity that were flying around in my early childhood I have also internalised and am projecting towards myself, since I am male.

I am interested to hear about some other people's thoughts or inputs about this. I understand that acting is the most pertinent for me now, but in what manner I am very much in the dark and doubtful about.

Mary,

Your post talks a lot about my fear of women, but it doesn't mention much about anger and that has thrown me off a little bit because I feel there is still lots of that bottled up rage that AJ has mentioned in the past. Honestly, I'm against a big resistance right now and am a bit frantic and fearful.

Final question (I will also post this separately as a new thread in the Assistance section): How does one go about working through the emotions of something such as birth trauma. In this case: 30 hours of labor, 3 hours of being stuck lodged in the birth canal, and then finally being pulled out by Cesarean? Also, is it likely that chronic musle pain and tension in the body is involved with this and how does one work with the "feeling" of this?
Riza Sukman
riza.sukman@gmail.com
+32-2-770-9865
+32-485-686-282

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Re: Intellectual "thinking" incapability, dysfunctionality, doubt, and indecision

Post by maureen » Sun Jan 17, 2016 3:33 am

Hi Riza,

I only have time for a short post...but thought to mention a few things that are helping me.

1. I am working to be more proactive with my unhealed history of trauma...and that is helping to reduce the push/pull/ resistance/terror/overwhelm cycles, which can inadvertently end up just retraumatizing us I feel. For instance, I am reading each day a little from books (currently for me: "Repressed Memories: A Journey to Recovery from Sexual Abuse by Renee Frederick where she breaks down how memories are repressed which is helping me to open the door more fully to my past without ripping it off the hinges :? etc and "The Body Never LIes" by Alice Miller to help begin to tune into my body as a doorway to more truth etc.). This helps to keep the issues in focus and being addressed....but adds some balance so I'm not constantly overwhelmed and in terror. So, maybe some new small routines that allow you to spend time each day working to connect to more of your trauma will help. It's great to be open to being overwhelmed...but I think you may be experiencing a lot of retraumatization and, if so, maybe building some small daily routines where you continue to work through things, but add some more love for yourself to the equation, can make this work feel more doable and safe for you.

2. With the spirit attack...I found Mary's thread so helpful...especially the part about zeroing in on what exact emotion the spirits are coming at us through. Isolating that....helps to break their ability to keep me in terror. I'm finding too that if I write down what they are saying/yelling at me....that helps me to break up the attack too. So I can work through things without being bombarded mercilessly.

3. I am doing a similar thing as in suggestion 1. with my passions. Just taking gentle loving but definite and sincere steps forward on some passions. Rather than expect yourself to embrace your passions in huge ways...maybe some small doable day to day steps woven into routines would help to heal that trauma of overwhelm relating to engaging...or "coming into" the world. If I do this each day, then the spirits who want to terrorize and attack me...don't seem to be able to get a foot in the door.

Love,
Maureen

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