There is never a time I watch a video or listen to an audio by one or both of you that I do not feel gratitude or appreciation for what you do/teach and make available to us/the public. At times I have the impulse to write and say thank you but I realise that this is part of an addiction to receive acknowledgement, perhaps a pat on the proverbial back and/or to dissipate the feeling of alone-ness on this path as a recent discoverer of divine truth.
I keep two things present in my mind when I have such an impulse - that whilst I am grateful to you - perhaps the gratitude is better directed to God? And/or, perhaps the real gratitude is actually hearing (not just with my ears) what you say, and implementing it in my life.
I find myself in much grief lately (in a good way - if ever grief can be good) because like scales from my eyes, you have helped me see/notice/discover so much disfunction in myself and my parents behaviour towards me as far back as I can remember. I read yesterday the pdf response you wrote to Lucette on digestion problems and whilst it helped me understand so much of my struggle with eating a raw food, initially mainly fruit and nuts diet, I was overwhelmed with grief through such understanding of my issues with digestion ever since I was a teenager. Yes, they stem from my sense of low self worth; and yes, I have had major issues pertaining to my first three chakras as far back as I can remember. This is just one example of an issue upon which the scales are falling from my eyes. Islam, the reality of what the Quran is and who Muhammad is/was is another huge one.
My grief also pertains to how foolish or gullible I have been all my life to anything or anyone that seemed to give me a sense of self-worth. Including my parents who used it to manipulate, coerce or cajole me as and when it pleased them; and all the so called spiritual/New Age experts I have believed ranging from those who channel Spirits like Abraham all the way to Teal Swan! I realise now they are all Frauds and I was just feeding my addictions through them.
Why I say "Stuck on Gratitude" in the subject of this post, is because Spiritual/new Age circles are 'BIG' on gratitude and often gratitude is used as a manipulative tool (variously) but also as a "blockade" because negative emotions are highly discouraged and so even though one is in a rage or hateful or spiteful or sad or grieving, one is still told/encouraged to be grateful. And so this need to "be Grateful" is used to prevent the feeling of "negative emotions". I notice this in myself. I automatically jump onto the feeling of gratitude and avoid what I am really feeling. And lately it has been Rage ... and now Grief.
So, why write this post? partly as an exercise of peeling the layers off my facade. And partly to share myself with the rest of the community. Perhaps it may benefit another to read what I write as I benefit from reading what others have written.
And so, whilst I am immensely grateful to you Jesus in this instance, and also Mary and the rest of the Divine Truth team in general, I realise now that I have hardly embarked on the journey of uncovering my true self and if I am to have a relationship with God, then discovering my true self must take centre stage in my Life. Its like standing at the foot of Mt. Everest
and the Phrase that arises from me right now is: God Help Me!Sincerely,