What helps for me is that I look at spirits just like people on earth...in that they have a full spectrum of histories and beliefs and interests and healed/unhealed things within their soul.
So, depending on their condition, they will bring an influence to bear (or not) in each situation in a unique way based on their own soul condition/desires/fears/hopes/dreams about that particular set of circumstances (ie, emotions/beliefs, etc) that they carry within their own soul (and of course, that is based on my openness to their input).
So, like with your spirit friend, he/she may have a mixture of emotions about each of the different situations you describe and so may in one instance be supportive (of either a loving or an unloving desire in you to act/not act) and in other cases may have no emotion at all about a circumstance you are in....etc.
So, it totally depends on the individual spirit and each situation (and, the dynamics between you...ie. teacher/friend/abuser/cheerleader/guide/helper/family member). Like with my neighbor on earth, she might totally agree with me pursuing my artwork and encourage that and be excited to see my paintings but be completely triggered by the fact that I am a vegan with emotions of fear and anger and defensiveness even though I never try to influence her to particularly to change her own diet...but just because so many loyalties and ways of life and family relationships would drastically change for her if she gave up meat (and just like a spirit I could do a mixture of things to influence her/not influence her on that issue based on my own condition of love). And depending on my own understanding of love, I will know (or not) what is loving from God's perspective to do in that relationship on that issue in each encounter (I'm thinking of this because I ran into her the other day at Walmart and she was buying her husband Oreos and I was kidding around and said "Oreos are vegan...just in case you guys ever give decide to give up meat...
). I was totally joking because they are huge hunters and meat eaters and we kid around about the subject from time to time). But there, she was on edge already having had a hard day and not being able to find the exact supersized ones he wanted, "Not me...I love cow!" So, it is a boundary there. To not even play with that subject with her under those conditions. And I could feel that...so I won't. (And of course, I can look more inward at why I want her love or for her not to be threatened by my choice to not eat meat which is really what drives me to try to be playful and non threatening to her on the subject...rather than just feel my fears of hunters and rage she and her family feel about that "right" being threatened by vegans existing).
I also think (and I believe I have heard Jesus say this and it is described in the Through the Mist Trilogy
)...that in the spirit world, you move around instantaneously based on emotions/desires/attractions. So, when we have a rapport with a spirit (sympathetic in some way either through injury or quest for growth and understanding) and then we go to do something they are attracted to us to engage as well with us (for whatever reason....either to support us, deter us, explore with us...etc.) then they will arrive (or split away and go somewhere else) depending on their relationship to us (and our openness to "share" emotionally in the experience with them in some way and the particular circumstance we are in).
So, in other words, we can have changing relationships and ones that are role within changes depending on the different situations. Sometimes we are learning, sometimes we might be able too to encourage spirits to grow if they are in fear where we are not. Sometimes, we grow past where they are on an issue...so we can share and support them if they still want to be around us as we change.