Seduced to believe you are better than you are

[Max]

Hi Elvira and Anna

I can see that I haven't been very clear in my previous post, I'm sorry I didn't spend a little more time to make better sense of what I wanted to say. What Mary wrote about her observations of the relationship between psychosis, spirit attack and low self worth really rang true for me and I immediately responded in my support of it with some of my experiences, feelings and hopes that came up for me at the time. I'll try to clarify it a bit.

I agree with you both that the spirits that have attacked me are not the ones with me from day to day trying to hook into feeding my desire to be special and important. I'm really only aware of two times in my life when I've had spirit attack. Once around 22 and again last year, both of which I've previously written about. I don't believe that the spirits involved in either of those attacks followed me or stayed with me afterwards and are not the ones who currently try to hook into my desire to be special and important in order to avoid and compensate for my deep feelings of worthlessness.

What I was writing about above was mainly in relation to the two spirit attacks I've experienced and how the reason I was vulnerable to them was through this desire to escape my feelings of worthlessness by believing their lies of how wonderful and special I am. The crashing down was more a description of the attack in my early 20's, where after discovering my hearts desire to teach truth and assist people in knowing God and themselves I was faced with the real limitation of my illiteracy at the time. I was terrified of writing anything in public or for anyone else to see what I wrote, I had been hiding it from the world as best I could and avoiding it for fear of humiliation and shame. Then I saw what a barrier it was in realising my dream and this is where the spirits went to town on me. I came crashing down. The worst thing was the feeling that I had missed my opportunity forever and had let God down. They really hammered me on this emotion and it tore me apart. I felt like I'd been a failure to God right at the time when I discovered how much I loved Him and wanted to help as many other people get to know Him too. This was their kicking me while I was down.

I understand that God does not share my feeling of being a worthless piece of crap but it is a real emotion I need to feel and release from my hurt self in order to feel the same way about myself as God does.

I hope that's helped clarify my previous post. Going through it has actually helped me feel some more about this. Thank you both for that opportunity.

With love

Max