I want to say that feel I totally warranted everything that Lena said to me addressing my behavior towards you and I feel that it is all true. I did print out my conversation with you as I said I would and was going through it and feeling about my interaction with you even before she had posted this for me. After I went back and read what you shared again it is absolutely relevant, truthful, and was directly in line with the initial question that I had asked. I am glad that I received her feedback before I drafted a response to you. While I was able to feel how your guidance will help me and that I was unloving, I had no idea to the level of unloving that I was. I did not accurately assess the depth and how right out blatant my behavior was. I couldn’t identify what my own addiction and facade actually were and how I go about portraying these things. It was extremely loving of you to take the time to respond to me on numerous occasions. I did not receive your gift, but rudely discarded it and threw it to the ground, because it was not meeting my addiction just as Lena said.
Maureen, I am very sorry for my unloving behavior towards you and I will continue to review all of the feedback threads that have been provided for me, so I can continue to feel about and process through them.
I admit I was triggered during our initial communication. I did not go into all of that in that thread as well, hence why I was speaking in the polite facade instead of just not continuing to correspond at that time. I didn’t know if not continuing to respond was unloving as well, so I kept responding and I didn’t consider what you said, but kept pressing into my initial thoughts and beliefs trying to get my own addictions met just as Lena said. I know now continuing at that time instead of feeling wasn’t the right thing to do because I just kept displaying unloving behavior towards you instead of feeling about why I was triggered, taking in the guidance that you provided, and truly appreciating the time and guidance that you provided to me. I shut down and just did not do that at all while we were communicating.
The guidance that Lena provided was very direct, specific, and absolutely got my attention as well. That was also extremely beneficial. It has added an entirely other eye opening level of opportunity for me to see what I personally actually look like in addiction and façade, in detail and how unloving that all is. I previously did not take the opportunity to experience viewing myself in this exact manner, to really see how I went about doing this and actually how wretched and unloving that I really am.
Also when Lena said that it is “unloving of you to expect somebody who was honest and has spent hours of time to share with you some truth to want them do extra work,” (which was in reference to me asking you to provide feedback about my not desiring to look toward your previous guidance), I had no idea that is what I was doing, no clue. It would’ve never dawned on me that asking you to explain that was unloving and asking you to do work. I just wouldn’t. I don’t think that would have ever connected in my brain as something unloving. There are so many things that I do that I have no idea are unloving, as you also shared with me and I am thankful for you bringing all of this to my attention as well. If I didn’t have the Divine Truth teaching, examples, and feedback that everyone involved has provided I may have never even been aware of what loving or unloving behavior is and I still have a lot to learn for all of that to sink into my understanding.
Maureen, you even continued to assist me without even knowing it. I found that you had a website and when I went there, I saw many valuable Divine Truth resources that you had shared. Which led me to yet another teaching that Jesus and Mary did about positively responding to spirit influence. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_0b3gUIlTI
This also really addresses my addiction question that led to all of this guidance. The first thing that Jesus said at the beginning of this video is that basically all of this this stuff about spirits and emotions is NOT the main thing, but our relationship with God. We need to look at our intentions about why we focus time on these things more than God. What I realized is that I have been obsessed, running around in severe panic mode, confusion, and addiction for these last 6 months about these very 2 subjects (trying feeling emotions all of them all at once, but I was still actually avoiding getting into them as well by being concerned about spirit interaction and their influence, being afraid to trust the process itself), addicted to addressing them for my own selfish reasons and none of those reasons were focusing on my relationship with God. He also said that if I focused on my relationship with God that the rest of it would come. (I am kind of paraphrasing the context) That was another huge realization. This entire interaction, correction, guidance from everyone on this forum is extremely beneficial for me and I do appreciate it as it continues to open more doors for me. Both you and Lena also supported this exact thing to me as well with your guidance specifically suggesting that I focus on God and that relationship as well as feeling about my intentions for my communication with surrounding spirits, and so forth.
I have been listening to and aware of Divine Truth for a little over 6 months now. I have not had any interaction with anyone that is familiar with God’s Truth or anyone associated with it in this time, except for the brief interactions here where Nicky, Lena, you, and I believe a few others have provided me with valuable feedback. To be honest with you until probably last week, I did not even understand the concept of staying in my body in order to feel my emotions either. Intellectually I thought I did, but then I realized I did not when one of my massage therapy instructors actually started teaching us about it and how to do that. To be present with ourselves and others and how to recognize when we are not.
I understand that no one is required to share anything with me and that the Jesus, Mary, the administrators, and everyone that posts anything on this forum is of their own free will. This guidance is just the tip of the iceberg of things for me to consider and feel about. Thank you, Maureen, Lena, Nicky and everyone else that has provided me with feedback on this forum. You continue to bring to light my unloving behavior and Divine Truth to provide me with an opportunity to learn, grow, and change and for that I am very grateful.