Addiction To Not Engaging

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Arvarna
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Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Arvarna » Tue Oct 06, 2015 12:53 pm

Hi guys,

So I have been thinking a lot about me and my addictions...

I have been reading a number of posts, but not really posting as I feel like almost anything that I write could be coming from some sort of addiction.

When I do write something it takes me ages as I write and then delete, re-write, delete, re-write etc. And most times I just decide not to post at all.

However I can feel that this is not very good, and is an addiction in itself, as it means that I am not engaging at all and kind of just floating around in the 'background' :) very much like my life at the moment.

I recognise that I am in fear of receiving feedback/a strike or being banned for something I have said. Would any one have any suggestions at all?

Thank you,
Arvarna

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Nicky
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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Nicky » Tue Oct 06, 2015 6:12 pm

Hi Arvarna....banana (I saw you signed one of your other posts like this which I thought was pretty funny :lol: )

I feel the issue that you have raised in this thread is awesome and I'd love to share some of my feelings on this.

Firstly, thanks for your honesty because I feel what you have described in your post is happening with a lot of people. I feel a number of people are holding back from engaging specifically due to their fears of receiving feedback, getting a strike or being banned. Even by reflecting intellectually, we can see that any time we listen to what our fear dictates us to do, we are out of harmony with love and truth.

I feel there are two things going on at the moment with some people:

1) A number of people, like what you have mentioned about yourself, are reading stuff (which is great) and would love to post but are very hesitant in posting and contributing to the discussion out of not wanting to be addictive, unloving etc.

2) People are posting "neutrally." By this I mean they are posting from almost a safe place and the nature of their posts are usually directing people to a DT video or something along those lines. While this is really useful, they are not allowing themselves to be known by others personally if all or the majority of their posts are like this.

I feel there are probably a number of fears at play (e.g. not wanting to feel as though they have been publicly humiliated/embarrassed/ostracised if they receive feedback, fear of making a "mistake" but to name a few) which cause people to approach forum posting in one of the two above ways, or both.

For me, I guess it comes down to sincerity and how much we want to progress further than we currently are. I created the forum so that people had the chance to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with others in a loving and safe environment. People who register and engage in the potential of the forum will learn a lot of things pretty quickly if they are humble to the experience and see it as an experiment. By approaching forum posting in one of the two above fashions, I feel that people miss an awesome opportunity to learn more about themselves, miss out on the potential of assisting others as well as a number of other amazing benefits (some of which I don't really know the extent of). If you think about it, why register to a forum and then not post...it doesn't make any logical sense really as you are then, in essence, the equivalent as a guest of the forum!

I feel it is normal to take your time with writing out posts. I feel this is a good thing actually because it gives you the time to feel about the feelings that may be potentially driving your posts anyway and this is something Mary spoke of in her intro thread.

Maybe if people were receiving feedback here in a hostile, aggressive or criticising manner, then I would understand the apprehension in not wanting to post but in reality, you are only really opening yourself up to the feedback/feelings/other viewpoints of Jesus, Mary, myself and other forum members. I'd like to think all of us here aren't that bad and scary! It is all done in good faith and it is more for educational and informative motivations to demonstrate love and truth. Even then, if somebody else here does respond to you in an unloving manner, they would be liable to the consequences of their actions.

Honestly, I love any time I receive feedback and see it as a gift. It opens me up to stuff I didn't know beforehand and I see it almost as a fast track way of progressing if I remain humble to it all. It's a bit of a cheating way to progress really, if that makes sense :)

If you look at the strikes forum category, the majority of the strikes were issued because of the resistance people had to hearing somebody else's view/feedback that was received and not taking the time to personally reflect following answers that they received in response to their own thread or questions. A strike would not usually result from a standard post unless it was blatantly attacking or unloving. If I did feel an addiction in a post of yours for example, I would reply to your thread or your post in somebody else's thread and let you know of my feelings so that you could consider it, rather than issuing an amber strike right away. If you have received feedback and continue acting in the same manner, then yes you would be open to the possibility of receiving a strike. Also remember that strikes can be removed/revoked too depending on whether the person in question focuses on healing that behaviour internally.

Although the word "strike" does usually have a lot of negative feeling attached to it for most people (like the word SIN for example), I see it as just a simple way of saying "BIG FEEDBACK POINT/AREA FOR ME TO WORK ON HERE."

Hope that helps and clears any stuff up for you and to anyone else.

Cheers

Nicky

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Anita
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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Anita » Wed Oct 07, 2015 8:33 am

Hi Arvarna, and Nicky, I feel this is an important topic that will help loosen up our fears of posting

I have a fear of what is going to happen when I post. Biggest fear is of getting strikes and then comes fear of rejection and ridicule. This is also in my day to day life, but then the fear is mostly about being rejected and ridiculed. I do not want to show myself either. And when I see my name in the right hand side column it feels horrible. I don't want to re-read my posts either (fear of discovering unlovingness)

I have noticed that I have an addiction to being insincere. When I'm being insincere which I am a lot of the time. Then I kind of anticipate the rejection and it makes it more bearable. I will now start to be sincere, show myself to others the way I am without joking (bad stupid jokes that I am the only one who laughs at) and being weird. Like if I'm being consciously weird by my own choice rejection doesn't feel so bad because I anticipated it.

I'm also afraid of posting due to not being very good with words. I can't seem to write long explanatory posts and I can't give advice to others because I'm not so developed in Love. And I feel when I post about myself I make the person's (who I'm replying to) topic into something about myself.

Thanks,
Anita
Anita Tännström

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Anita
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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Anita » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:28 am

Actually my fear of getting muted or banned in my day to day life is HUGE! I'm living in it.
Anita Tännström

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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by julie_bennion » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:51 pm

It's funny that Nicky included the words "everybody's favorite topic" under Addiction to Not Engaging; I can relate to that. I could stay here all day! Ha, ha, kinda/sorta, since feeling the constriction that the addiction creates is :| . One big help I am experiencing takes place in the Shriek Shack out back. I have decided to go there every morning for a while; I'm committing to that being a time to explore, move, offer up what shows up. (I'm noticing that writing about this is solidifying my commitment, so thanks guys!!).
I'm gaining some faith that doing this Regularly will move the otherwise physically hardened emotions. When I let them breathe out, full-on, it Does make room for spontaneous, child-like space inside. That's when God's Love has rooooom to move-in. So going to the shed & opening my soul to God seems to be (yep) bit by bit removing the critical, contracted, compulsive... crap! :o

And with that comes the freedom & some grains of faith to go ahead and be myself here, responding when I feel a clear motivation to do so, and then keep feeling what shows up while I'm writing, then keep on feeling what's going on afterwards, and then feel some more... into eternity. :geek: That's the goal, eh?!!

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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Alejandro CL » Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:34 am

Hello Arvana, Nicky, Anita and Julie:

I totally agree with Nick:
Nicky wrote:Hi Arvarna....banana (I saw you signed one of your other posts like this which I thought was pretty funny :lol: )
(...) For me, I guess it comes down to sincerity and how much we want to progress further than we currently are. I created the forum so that people had the chance to share their thoughts, feelings and experiences with others in a loving and safe environment. People who register and engage in the potential of the forum will learn a lot of things pretty quickly if they are humble to the experience and see it as an experiment. By approaching forum posting in one of the two above fashions, I feel that people miss an awesome opportunity to learn more about themselves, miss out on the potential of assisting others as well as a number of other amazing benefits (some of which I don't really know the extent of). If you think about it, why register to a forum and then not post...it doesn't make any logical sense really as you are then, in essence, the equivalent as a guest of the forum! (...)
I also think is funny how it sounds Arvana...Banana! :D

However, there is only one think that I would add to cheer you up into posting. You are both right that there could be a fear to posting due to an unloving behavior, but I feel that this relates to the subjects where we are unloving and are aware of this. But there is another subject that I have heard from AJ and I feel it is also important. To follow your passions, I have never been on a seminar from AJ but I know there is a concert at the end...and although I would love to watch one, it appears that I would not be possible unless I go to a seminar. The point here is that to talk about your passions is another great way to express in a loving way, and you might probably have passions to many loving things like the care of the environment.

Anita, you said:
Anita M wrote: (...) I'm also afraid of posting due to not being very good with words. I can't seem to write long explanatory posts and I can't give advice to others because I'm not so developed in Love. And I feel when I post about myself I make the person's (who I'm replying to) topic into something about myself. (...)
I myself have to write/preview every thread normally 3-5 times before posting it, because one thing is to write your ideas as they come, but the mind is always faster than the hand, hence, I know that not always I am able to express myself in a clear and loving way.

Also, again I confirm something that Nicky says. I believe that if the personal topic that you are talking is about "how you improve in a certain aspect of your life", this thread becomes of great interest to persons that have the same injury and also wish to improve in their relationship with God. On the other hand, if what you are talking about is a topic that have no idea how to improve. I feel that there are also loving reasons to speak up:
  1. When you are honest with yourself in a certain topic, you can encourage other to be more honest in the same topic.
  2. You also have the opportunity of receiving feedback from another person that have improved in this topic.
However, you could also be sharing something in an arrogant manner, I guess that AJ is right ... it all depends on your feelings!. This is why I post mostly when I feel loving and honest wish to share something to others.

Alejandro.
"The truth will set you free"

Arvarna
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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Arvarna » Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:01 pm

Haha! My childhood nickname is Arvarna Banana... or you can just call me Banana ... by itself :)

My sister was living in Canada for a couple of years, and is now in LA, but it was really funny when some of her friends would say 'Arvarna Banana' because it didn't rhyme like it does when you have an Australian accent! so it sounded really silly :p

Thanks so much for your feedback Nicky. It's really highlighted how easily I forget some really basic principles of DT, because I haven't learnt them emotionally. I will experiment with your feedback.

Yes I have been doing both: not posting, then posting neutrally also :)

I would like to ask though:
Do we need to always state how we feel about things for people to know us? Because I find sometimes that I share certain things (with people in my everyday life) but then think 'did I really need to share all that?'. Because I find that we can also be addicted to sharing how we feel all the time.
I guess I am not clear on how to let myself be known by others without oversharing about a whole heap of stuff? (This is something that my family does too)

I'm starting to think that it would be more beneficial sharing my experience of experimenting with DT teachings, in an attempt to help others, rather than just talking about how I feel?

Arvarna...

Banana :)

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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Patricia Sanders » Fri Oct 09, 2015 6:05 pm

Hi Arvana Banana,

Peppermint Patty here.

I'm in a similar state to you, wondering how I can engage more with people in my daily life in a loving way and share more Truth. I definitely haven't got this figured out, but would like to put some ideas/observations out here.

I feel I'm not clearly feeling the impetus or purpose of your questions, so if I'm on track here (or if I am) I'd love to hear about that to learn more about whether my perceptions are accurate and possibly why they're not.

My strong tendency is to undershare, based on a whole bunch of injuries. I also have a narcissistic streak, where I tend not to really accept the full reality of the person I'm talking with, and I project and impose characteristics on that person rather than letting myself be aware of the actual person and their feelings. In experimenting I've learned a few things:

- Some people really do want to hear what I have to say, or really want to engage with me and get to know me. Some just don't. I'm working on paying attention to the interaction and feeling what's going on in it so I can be in tune with that. "Oh, this person is really interested and listening, I'll say more" or "Oh, this person just wants to chit chat and not really interact, I'll pull back" or "Oh, this person is actually totally condescending to me, I'm going to walk away now." I believe some people really long to engage on a soul level but don't know how or are afraid to, so when I sense that, I experiment with gradually moving deeper in the conversation by being open about myself and asking them questions about themselves, in a gentle peeling-the-onion way. My feeling is that even without mentioning God or any specific truths, if you can help a person remember that they have a soul, and help them feel that you care about their soul, that in itself can be a powerful experience for the person, even if you never talk about Truth.

- When I feel an impulse to share my feelings, I ask myself, "If the person I'm talking to started to share their feelings with me, would I be interested and willing to really listen?" If not, then I refrain.

- I often assume that people don't want to know the truth about me, but I've noticed that I totally love it when a person is open and vulnerable with me. It's beautiful and fascinating. So I figure it's okay - in principle - for me to be that way, too. Of course, the particular person I'm talking with in a given conversation might not be interested in my soul. Sometimes I test it - say something and see how they respond. Maybe they don't want to hear about how much I love baby bunnies, but they'll be open to a serious conversation about veganism.

- It's coming to me right now that if I want to be loving and assisting to every person I meet, I'll find out what they're open to, and talking about myself might not always be the most helpful thing. (Or it might.) To be loving to myself, I'll reread Mary's blog post about being myself/sharing myself and cherish friendships where I can really share myself.

- It's really hard for me to talk about God and Divine Truth with people generally, because I feel they don't want to hear it and wouldn't accept me if they knew my beliefs. Conversely, I also have a feeling inside that I want to force Truth on people and "make" them become more loving (and therefore agree with me). I often feel like I'm walking a knife edge with addictions on every side. What has felt right is when someone expresses a desire for truth on a specific point, and I respond with humility about my own experience, focusing on the person's own specific questions and situation. E.g., because I live alone in an isolated place in Arizona, I'm often asked if I own a gun. This is carte blanche to talk about lots of aspects of love, truth, and addiction. I am most comfortable doing this by Non-violent Communication principles - "I hope I would never shoot someone and here's why" etc. instead of "The truth is that violence is always wrong." But sometimes I'm more gutsy and when an opportunity comes up I'll say something like "The truth is always loving" or "We don't really die, you know." I feel people often take truth in better when it comes through your own personal experience and they can feel, "This person really believes this and really is living in accord with it, and it seems to be working." But the more I take truth into my soul and heal relevant injuries, the more comfortable I am with saying it right out as truth and not just my opinion - and being able to do that in a way that the person can take in.

I notice I've answered assuming the context of talking with people out "in the world" instead of here on the forum, which is a bit different.

Welcoming comments,
Patricia

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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by Alejandro CL » Fri Oct 09, 2015 6:49 pm

Arvarna wrote:(...) I would like to ask though:
Do we need to always state how we feel about things for people to know us? Because I find sometimes that I share certain things (with people in my everyday life) but then think 'did I really need to share all that?'. Because I find that we can also be addicted to sharing how we feel all the time.
I guess I am not clear on how to let myself be known by others without oversharing about a whole heap of stuff? (This is something that my family does too) (...)
I do not think that we always need to share how do we feel, if no one is asking me about something I normally just reflect about what happen.

If what had happen is an unloving action against another person, I try to reflect if this made me feel angry, sad or made me feel like imposing truth on the other person; then I do not say anything but I try to feel my LoA event and reflect about why I am having unloving emotion.

However, if I see an unloving behavior that does not create any unloving emotions inside of me, then I try to feel if the other person is willing to receive it. In the case of this forum, most people are here because they want to improve their lives, hence, I would speak the truth or I would share a personal experience of how I learn something...to help the other person become more loving. In real life to me is more difficult to asses when some one is open but I would speak up if the person is a close friend or is I am being asked directly my opinion.

Using the example of "Patty": If I am being asked "Do you have a gun?"

If I feel the question is Chitchat then I would simply say "No, I don't". Here I do not share my personal point of view because they are not asking me this.
If I feel the question is because the person wishes to know me, I would answer "No, I do not like guns"
However, if the person just wishes to chichat or if this person is trying to know me, and later ask me "Why". Then I would reply all my personals points of views.

I am only firm towards some thing if I feel I had God's truth on the matter or if I have completely understand them intellectually and started to understand them emotionally. Since this is not the case for almost every aspect of my life, I try to made suggestions on others based on my experience. As I become close to God I feel I will be able to speak the truth more openly with others.

Alejandro.
"The truth will set you free"

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Re: Addiction To Not Engaging

Post by julie_bennion » Sat Oct 10, 2015 1:53 pm

Hi everyone ~ Since reading Patty's input & experience, I've thought about how we're engaging here, exploring under the larger-than-life Divine Truth umbrella; Compared to conversing with folks 'out there' who are not (let's assume for the moment) even aware of this umbrella. The field of discussion is almost like a whole other ball park, with many opposing rules! But it's curious to think & feel about how it is, to be playing in both fields.

One thing that stands out, Being that we are on-line with each other, there's ample space to communicate, feel, think, edit, delete, feel some more... Not so, in our day to day in-person interactions. On the other hand, not being in physical proximity makes it seem easier to hide parts, for a while. I've been surprised, for example, how different a person on the path felt to me when, after months of on-line dialogue, we spoke on the phone. Still not in-person, but the conversation leant to feeling more of where she's coming from, what was motivating, what was being hidden.
Secondly, the rules are like flip-flop ~ here we are attempting to disengage the old rules, while learning to re-establish ourselves in an understanding of (standing under) God's Laws. These, we are newly realizing, will show us the best way to go. So I feel we have more common ground with each other, at this crucial stage, than we do with folks who maybe aren't considering truth & love, on the big scale.

It's been rather easy for me to talk to people, both on-line & in-person, about what I'm learning from J&M, I think because I have been way outside the mainstream for a long time, and outside the new age scene with friends in the area, for quite a while before this recent discovery of Divine Truth. Other than my housemate, and hospice patients along the way, I mostly talk to people I haven't met before!, so I feel more freedom to start fresh and to be myself, which then, of course, includes everything I'm learning & exploring on the subject of ultimate Truth. Speaking of which, I also feel a deep desire to be truthful, at long last!, after a life time of fibbing, Most of the time.
Holy 'camole, that's really true!!

I'm really hopeful in coming here to learn & share with folks. I feel Nicky is for real, upholding principles of love, with Mary & Jesus' feedback & support. Coming here AND ENGAGING :D makes me hopeful that my baby steps will grow longer, that I will accept the trips & tumbles I make, and that I'll have a good cry over scrapped knees!

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