I thought that this thread might be a good opportunity to demonstrate how easy and how often it is that many of us are still in our façade when it comes to approaching 'emotional processing' and self discovery.
By this I mean, that it frequently happens (and I have done it myself) that we tell ourselves that we have a certain emotional injury or addiction because it suits a façade based concept of ourselves that we wish to maintain to ourselves, or to others. In these cases we 'choose' or 'decide upon' an 'injury' we feel is more palatable to our own self concept, or, it could be that presenting this 'injured self' to the world is a method we employ to manipulate what we want from other people.
So, to use this thread as an example:
Hi, nice to meet you!
I agree that you have an addiction to approval. This covers a fear/terror based feeling coming from the fact that you were made to feel responsible for everyone's happiness in your childhood environment and if you didn't make them happy then you were in big trouble. This 'trouble' may have taken the form of complete withdrawal of love, severe disapproval or perhaps in other ways – you would know best.
This is a terrible crushing feeling and does, as you have noted, drive most people into a life of façade and a feeling of not really knowing themselves as they are always responding to whoever in their environment poses the biggest emotional or physical threat of violent disapproval.
I'm pretty well acquainted with this injury myself.
Working through this addiction involves, challenging fear and having courage to start to simply find your own feelings about things and be open about them and true to what you want.
In addition, there will be the grief associated with feeling ultimately responsible for lots of things (that you actually have no control over) and for most people's happiness, to feel. Unfortunately,
I can't agree that you have the same injury as Mia.
In fact, your addiction to approval exists because you feel entitled to it. If you don't receive approval from other people you become angry and demanding with them. This is because you received a lot of attention and had a lot of things done for you in your childhood and you were raised to feel that this was right and loving and that you are deserving of such things.
Your injury was actually created because you received approval and a lot of physical things that wanted from others in your childhood. This led you to feel that you were entitled to this kind of attention.
This is very different from Mia's experience.
Mia lives in terror of not having approval. She is afraid of what others will do to her if she doesn't do what they want. So much so that she finds it hard to stay connected to herself and her own desires. She is afraid of others harming her if she doesn't do what they want.
You feel someone has harmed you if they don't give you approval and do what you want.
This is why you have so much anger towards your mother. Your hurt self feels entitled to things that she no longer gives you as readily. This exposes a fear in you that you are not capable of doing things for yourself. As you are not yet willing to feel that fear you want to punish her for not doing what you want.
While I agree that she may not have taught you how to look after yourself as you were growing up, you are now blaming her for the important lessons relating to being responsible for your own will. God, through His Laws, is attempting to help you learn to take care of yourself, your emotions and your relationships. These are all things that you will need to learn if you are ever going to be a 'grown up' woman and enter God's Kingdom. (I always tell Jesus that I will feel like a grown up when I know that I am taking full responsibility for all of my emotions at all times ).
This kind of injury can be more difficult to face because lots of people judge being demanding (out of entitlement) more than they judge being compliant (out of fear). This is how the facade can want to stay in control of your perceptions - you block the full receipt of truth about yourself because you judge it.
I feel that you are very caught up in BLAME of your parents and your environment, rather than on healing, forgiving and taking responsibility for yourself. You are also attributing the wrong cause to the injury that you did receive from them. And this is going to limit your growth, you will never actually get through your anger because you have a wrong perception of what has actually gone on .I have judged myself for this but realised my dependency on others isn't my fault (even though I am now responsible for changing it) but was given to me.
Your statements that you have similar injuries to Mia indicate that you haven't come close to feeling the truth about where your addiction has originated.
Internally you still feel that others are to blame for your 'hardships' – which are really just lessons every child of God needs to learn – and in your façade you are living in the hurt of being 'harmed' when in fact your mother actually did a lot for you that many other mothers don't.
While I agree that you do lack confidence to do things for yourself and you have fear relating to starting to do things for yourself, I can't agree that this is to do with sadness or lack of physical care or attention from your childhood. It comes from having things done for you and you never being encouraged to try things for yourself.I still feel I am a 3 year old who doesn't know how to do simple things for myself and I thought it was because no one had taught me, which is true to some extent but am realising more now it is because I have this fear and sadness locked in me since childhood that I am not capable of doing adult things and when I do they are never good enough or done right and I have been severely judged for every attempt to live my desires and act towards independence.
This was harmful for sure. But you aren't correctly assessing (from a soul perspective) how it was harmful. And you are still resisting taking taking responsibility for your life and for what is now inside of you that you will need to release in order to feel better.
You also said that:
So I have isolated my self in shame in my house, afraid of peoples judgements for my dependency. I don't even talk about it to others as I feel so ashamed of it.
Laura, I feel that your isolation is more about rebellion and anger against taking care of yourself and learning these lessons that God is attempting to help you learn.
The difficult thing to work through with your addiction to 'approval' (which relates to a demand for approval rather than a fear of a lack of it) is coming to terms with God's Truth that you are responsible for yourself and your own care and that no one in the world HAS to love you.
Injuries in which we have been made to feel that certain addictions or ways of behaving are loving (when from God's perspective they are not) are challenging to heal. Internally we have the feeling that the sin based belief is justified and righteous. Then when other people or events challenge that error we believe that we are being treated terribly. Unfortunately you have a strong tendency to blame others for your discomfort as a result. This is clouding your clear viewpoint of the actual issues that you face and the dynamics that you have with your mother.
For example, this statement could very likely be a reflection of a spirit influenced 'emotion' rather than the actual truth.
Until you properly connect to your feelings of entitlement, you are going to perceive even firm directives to take personal responsibility as harsh.I have been severely judged for every attempt to live my desires and act towards independence.
It is important to grow the desire to see your situation from God's perspective and recognise that some of what you are calling 'hurt' and 'sad' feelings from your childhood are actually you feeling harmed hurt in the present day because your injury is telling you that you should be getting things that aren't getting anymore.
This is a façade based pattern that you are in and any 'processing' you do to release your perceived hurt will not change your soul condition or your attractions.
If you need clarification on what I mean here then please let me know. I have a number of injuries that relate to having things done for me that now feel painful to give up in light of God's Truth that I am actually responsible for doing these things on my own.
Hopefully from my explanation you can see how different your injury is to Mia's. I'm not sure I would call yours an addiction to 'approval' rather it is more like an addiction to being cared for physically and given attention. This was created through your mother doing these things for you for a long time.
Mon, I cannot agree at all that you even have any addiction to approval.
This statement is completely untrue:
While you may do things that other people might like at times, you actually only do this in order to manipulate situations with these people and to gain control over these or other people.Everything I say is to get approval of others, my desires are really just to please others and respond to what I can feel they want of me, and the person that I have become is no more than the reflection of what I think the person in front of me wants
You are not motivated to actually do what others want, and you are not in an unworthy or fear based state seeking a feeling of worth or approval from them. You are doing what you want in order to exert a feeling of superiority over others.
This does mean that you are continually sensing what injuries and desires the people in your environment have and modifying your behaviour accordingly. However there is no fear driving these actions. You are not in any way interested in other people's sincere esteem or approval (you already have a strong sense of your own superiority over them).
You do often do things in façade and with the appearance of being 'good' but this in order to gain a sense of power over others.
I am being quite direct with you here (as I have done in private many times in the past) as I feel it is important to point out how little you actually have the addiction you are claiming to have. And any 'processing' work you do attempting to deal with an addiction that doesn't exist is going to do nothing at all.
Also, I am aware that you and the spirits with you often prey upon people such as Mia who are very frightened of people who use emotionally manipulative techniques in order to gain power over others (as you currently do).
Jesus and I recently recorded a personal feedback session in response to your email to us in the hope of assisting you once again to become more honest regarding these issues. Until you want to be more real about your true motivations there is no hope of you actually changing and forming a relationship with God.
I also feel that it is very important to warn other forum members of your motivations and those of the spirits with you as I don't want this forum to become a place where people are able to be harmed. I certainly don't want people to treat you badly but I also can't support you in facade based statements that might leave less sensitive people open to manipulation.
I really hope that this feedback can assist others to reflect on how essential it is to feel and connect to the specific emotional sin that drives each of our addictions if we are to heal ourselves.
It can be oh so easy to 'intellectually choose' what our causal issues are. It is a way of feeling more in control of our process; a way to avoid what we judge as the 'awful' truth about ourselves (which is just an unnecessary judgement – also used to control ourselves and our emotions); or sadly a way that we can continue to manipulate our environment in order to continue to have our addictions met.
God is absolutely the best and most reliable helper when it comes to feeling the truth and surrendering emotionally. You can always ask Her for help
Love you all,