Sexual projections at the same gender (for hetero-soul)
Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2016 6:52 am
Hi guys,
I have been slowly and gradually more deliberately uncovering some truths about my sexual projections. I am a heterosexual soul and so the vast majority of my sexual projections are towards men, a desperate seeking for attention that begun in my early childhood I imagine, but from memory when i was 10 (I went to an all girls school for three years prior to that) is when they launched into full blast mode and I first recall the desperate/intense/insatiable/frenzy type feelings about getting a boy to notice/want/give "love" to me.
But what I am uncertain about, I have heard in a recent talk Jesus and Mary give 'Sexual projections, fear and addiction', and previously also, that there is such thing as sexually projecting at the same gender even for a heterosexual soul. Maybe it is because I am still very blocked to accepting this as truth, but I cannot grasp what this "looks"/feels like in action. I know I have had strong competitive emotions with women, and I have equated physical beauty with superiority and power. When I was young I didn't feel very pretty compared to my friends who would get more attention from boys. As I grew, and added layers to my facade to avoid the pain of this, I altered my appearance (turned my brown hair blonde, started at the gym, restricted my eating, wore different clothes etc) and felt more beautiful and desirable. I felt more powerful in the company of other women and not so 'boring' or 'forgettable'. It was like there was this undercurrent of competition, male-attention comparison, and body comparison with my girl friends. I'm thinking now there was sexual stuff mixed in there but I'm not sure exactly how it would manifest.
To define my understanding: A sexual addiction is wanting a feeling that is sexual in nature from another person to help me avoid a painful feeling. I guess I don't equate the competitive stuff with being a feeling that is sexual in nature.
has anyone had any experience with coming to recognise such same-gender (for hetero soul) sexual addictions ? As opposed to just addictions?
Thanks
I have been slowly and gradually more deliberately uncovering some truths about my sexual projections. I am a heterosexual soul and so the vast majority of my sexual projections are towards men, a desperate seeking for attention that begun in my early childhood I imagine, but from memory when i was 10 (I went to an all girls school for three years prior to that) is when they launched into full blast mode and I first recall the desperate/intense/insatiable/frenzy type feelings about getting a boy to notice/want/give "love" to me.
But what I am uncertain about, I have heard in a recent talk Jesus and Mary give 'Sexual projections, fear and addiction', and previously also, that there is such thing as sexually projecting at the same gender even for a heterosexual soul. Maybe it is because I am still very blocked to accepting this as truth, but I cannot grasp what this "looks"/feels like in action. I know I have had strong competitive emotions with women, and I have equated physical beauty with superiority and power. When I was young I didn't feel very pretty compared to my friends who would get more attention from boys. As I grew, and added layers to my facade to avoid the pain of this, I altered my appearance (turned my brown hair blonde, started at the gym, restricted my eating, wore different clothes etc) and felt more beautiful and desirable. I felt more powerful in the company of other women and not so 'boring' or 'forgettable'. It was like there was this undercurrent of competition, male-attention comparison, and body comparison with my girl friends. I'm thinking now there was sexual stuff mixed in there but I'm not sure exactly how it would manifest.
To define my understanding: A sexual addiction is wanting a feeling that is sexual in nature from another person to help me avoid a painful feeling. I guess I don't equate the competitive stuff with being a feeling that is sexual in nature.
has anyone had any experience with coming to recognise such same-gender (for hetero soul) sexual addictions ? As opposed to just addictions?
Thanks