I have been thinking a lot about your posts here and the rage and anger that you guys shared about and are choosing to live in and to varying degrees justify between yourselves and to yourselves.
I had some mixed feelings about it all.
My concern is how much I feel you want to live in your rage/anger rather than choosing to Love. (This can apply to any emotion or addiction we choose to live in e.g. self punishment, anger, fear, shame etc). I notice that you entertain the idea of change and it being different and I felt at times you really love the idea. But the desire does not feel strong yet, why I say this is that if it was, you would probably live far less in the angry feelings and feel more of the other feelings underneath the rage/anger, which your anger is guiding you too (you mention your fear of these).
I must admit at first I was quite afraid at the level of rage I could feel from you towards your potential ‘soul mate’ and the demands that are there towards men in particular but also women maybe. I also felt really concerned at how violent and harmful you fantasise about being to your soulmate.
I realised after reading some other posts and having some personal Law of Attraction events with passive aggressive rage in the last few days that it was a relief with your rage being so transparent and you being so honest about it. I don’t condone it, but I could feel a difference between those who are real about their rage and those of us who pretend we don’t have it at all when it is totally coming out like a full powered fire hydrant hose.
So, the biggest thing that stood out to me is the lack of desire to Love.
I feel that this is where each of us falls down. We want to stay resistant, hold onto our unlovingness and justify our unloving actions and ‘have the option’ to be unloving ‘if we want to be’ both to ourselves and to others.
As I reflect upon this I feel that Mary’s post some time ago is a good place to go to:
For me I feel that is a great place to begin to get honest with myself. What is the sin in my soul? Am I going to deal with it or not? If not, why not? If yes feel and do everything in order to feel.It can feel difficult to face - but - sin in my soul = sin in my soul. There is no way to mitigate it really….
…Not acting, e.g. not running the van at all because you can't decide on which way to take, still doesn't mitigate the sin in your soul either.
Jesus often tells me that there is no third option - you either deal with your issues (option 1) or you don't (option 2).
Option 1 is the loving way and option 2 is not.
And eventually I want to be in the place where the second option (not dealing) isn't even a consideration either. That is, that I will only ever feel that there is one option - to deal with my sin in all circumstances.
I also feel that it is a great opportunity (as Nicky pointed out to me) to expose feelings and what is really going on and get clear about what the real issues are rather than what we may perceive them to be.
Mary also has some feedback on this thread which is a helpful example:
viewtopic.php?f=25&t=562&p=1978&hilit=a ... oval#p1978
On another note:
I noticed Laura that you got angry, defensive and condescending, dismissing Pierre when he asked you about the ‘physical punishment’ you mentioned in one of your posts.
Your reply to Pierre was:
Though you don’t have to share about it, the feelings you projected at Pierre for asking were not kind and felt attacking towards him, and they also set it up so that others are less likely to question you in case they receive the same response.I don't know why you want an example of when i'm physically punished, I don't see how that is relevant
When I read your post I had the same question as Pierre.. I wanted to know what you were referring to. When I read further and got to your response to Pierre it was very strong and I thought, ‘Laura feels pretty angry at Pierre asking about this, I wonder firstly why she even mentioned it if she doesn’t want to discuss it and secondly, what happened and why is she so upset about it?’
I felt to mention this to you as you may have been unaware about the projections coming out of you.
I have been reading a number of posts between you guys (Laura and Marina) and I noticed a theme: anger being exposed or expressed & at times being commiserated about, across a range of different subjects (e.g. meat eating viewtopic.php?f=52&t=632 ). I thought this was quite interesting and see some opportunities that the Law of attraction is offering you. I wondered if you had noticed them?
All the best,