Page 2 of 3

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 2:12 pm
by Courtney
Thought I'd add also that it helped me immensely with getting in touch with the emotions in that eventually I confronted my dad directly with how I felt. It didn't go down well and he wasn't receptive at all, but it triggered even more emotion for me to get into. So I guess that was the biggest action I took a couple times in that period.

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2016 9:57 pm
by Courtney
Awesome LOA--just happened to hear a question about fatigue and depression in the latest uploaded Assistance Group. Here it is fast-forwarded to the beginning of the question:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPTZM1-SCGs&t=25m35s

Whoooaaa this makes more sense to me--Jesus seems to be saying that both fatigue and depression can be about emotional avoidance of more than just anger.

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 2:35 am
by Kate
Hi everyone,

I checked out some of your playlists Amanda. The Sia song Chandelier really captures the cycle of desperation, devotion and guilt I feel in addictive rebellion!

Soon after reading this I was drawn to the talk Addictions & Why We Want Them from the 2013 Texas Assistance Group. Within the opening minutes the topic of rebellion is raised and then AJ helps identify the source of this and provides suggestions for how we can change.

The following part of Mary’s quote at the top of this thread stands out for me:
I do not let myself feel it is the depletion of the past that I still carry that burdens me.
For myself I’m resisting emotionally connecting with the truth of my past and letting it go. The rebellion against feeling my childhood pain seems the key thing that I need to feel and release. It also drives more rebellion in other areas, like wilfully holding onto addictions and false beliefs and resisting building more faith in God’s goodness and design.

Kate

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 4:00 pm
by rizasukman
Hi again,

I'm really excited and have much more energy flowing now. I was rebelling and resisting God's way through wanting to be confused and in doubt rather than wanting to feel and attempt the relationship with God.

Under my post in Depression Since Childhood in the Assistance section (i'm not sure how to insert a link here) I reply that I have come to some clarity about my question with the fatigue/depression. (Courtney: Thanks for the response and Videos) It did have something to do with an avoidance of an emotion, not necessarily anger, but just generalized pain and discomfort. Basically, I was resistive to feeling all of my emotions and sensations, because I was afraid that if I just feel, the situation would get worse and i would spiral deeper into hell, no-return, and self-destruction.

When I felt discomfort, fear, or "bad" feelings of anykind, I would self-attack and believe that I am bad, and addictively (self-attack is an addiction) use this to avoid feeling the discomfort, by pretending that I need to process and release my anger (which I falsely believe is a "bad" emotion which i need to do something in order to release), instead of just feeling my discomfort and fear in that moment.

The point is: be willing to feel everything; noting your mind will try to help you stop feeling if your soul doesn't want to feel.

Involving God into the Experience

As soon as I remembered that the point of all this is to sincerely relate and communicate with God, the pain that I was resisting so much to feel became bearable to feel because I was expressing it and feeling it with God, and all of a sudden it started to flow. Then it seemed that my faith grew and I became more willing to feel pain and discomfort despite the level of counter-intuitiveness that comes along feeling that kind of discomfort.

When I didn't involve God, experiencing and releasing that kind of discomfort seemed much more painful and drawn-out and kind of masochistic. There's something about engaging the relationship with God (and desiring to love and be loved like a child) that aligns us with some kind of universal law that works better than the self-reliance way. It's kind of like chosing to ride a little 50cc Honda scooter versus driving a smoking hot Ferrari (minus the arrogance and pride).

This process doesn't seem to be about techniques (because techniques don't work without sincerity of desire and feeling) but more about a sincere desire to feel everything and to relate with and involve God in this process and in life experience in general. Replacing people, friends, and therapists with God and to let myself feel everything about that relationship.

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 4:20 pm
by rizasukman
Wow, this is really helpful and I want to highlight it:

In that video (Courtney) sent (fast-forwarded min 25:--) AJ specifically talks about two kinds of resistances to feeling:

1. resistances that are stories that we feed ourselves so that we can avoid feeling things that are painful (for example: me telling myself I have anger I need to process, when I feel bad, otherwise I will deteriorate, or me thinking/telling myself I am confused). These feelings don't even have to be felt.

2. soul-based resistances from things that happened/done to us in childhood such as: fears of violence, attacked, laughed at, ridiculed, etc. (these are resistances to feeling that we do need to feel; they are emotional blocks that cover other feelings)

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2016 1:41 am
by Perry
Hi guys,

I feel the discussion in this thread has gone way off topic due to addictions playing out between Courtney and Riza.
I feel there is a compulsion in you both which has driven the interaction in this thread. I would like to add that I feel, Courtney you are unaware of certain fears driving your continual response to Riza. And for yourself, Riza I would suggest that you ask yourself what addictions were driving the many questions towards Courtney.

Due to the above, I will be locking this thread.

Perry

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2016 11:44 am
by Mary
Jesus and I have been asked to review this thread and as a result I'm unlocking it. I feel it holds some great discussion and has the potential for more.

Regarding the previous disciplinary action and locking of the thread by Perry:

1. Riza, there was certainly some addiction in play for you in this thread and we would encourage to just have a feel about your fears and your neediness with others.

2. While Riza's question regarding chronic fatigue could have perhaps been placed in a new or different thread, Courtney's responses to Riza and Maureen's questions were sincere and kind. Courtney took the time to share and explain her experiences in an effort to help others rather than feed her own addictions, and she was humble about her own level of progress and understanding.

3. There was no need to lock this thread or to issue Courtney with any feedback or reprimand for her behaviour.

Perry has acted very unethically here by taking out his anger, in relation to a private exchange he had had with Courtney, on her here in this public forum. This displays a serious lack of ethics and morality. It is a very unloving action to avoid humility to your own emotions about a person, but to then use a public forum to underhandedly act out your rage demonstrates quite a large degree of lack of ethics and morality. Jesus and I feel that Perry is not a suitable moderator for the forum while he holds onto his current emotions.

However, decisions about who becomes a moderator have always been made by Nicky since the forum is his creation, and we will not interfere with his decisions. I am just going to state my opinion now in this case as I am still currently involved with the forum. I have also asked Jesus for his opinion, some of which I shall relate.

At this time Jesus and I will be removing our endorsement for the forum and the Divine Truth Experience YouTube Channel from links on our site. Jesus and I have taken this action for many reasons, some of which are:

1. We feel arrogance is creeping into the video content.
2. We feel that some material being referenced on the sites as truthful or encouraging has a very poor condition of love.
3. We feel humility is not being consistently displayed and sometimes there is a desire to share stories in addiction or for personal attention rather than teach truthful principles.
4. We feel that the standards of love, truth and humility that Jesus and I uphold for our productions and gifts cannot be easily maintained on these sites.
5. We feel there is a lack of respect for God in that there are suggestions that the forum and the Divine Truth Experience YouTube Channel is in harmony with God's desires for the planet when it often is not.
6. We feel there are presumptions being made about the truthfulness of what is presented due to these sites having our endorsement. We often disagree with the content but do not have the time to state this.
7. We feel that often people are participating on the forum but not addressing their emotional addictions and are easily manipulated by unloving people and spirits as a result.
8. We are very busy with important projects and there are too many exchanges and presentations on these sites created by others for us to have time to monitor and to provide complete feedback about.
9. We feel we must focus our time on creating and producing high quality Divine Truth material for others and working through our own unhealed emotional state.

We love both Nicky and Perry very much, just as we love many others with whom we have regular interactions who are attempting to share God's Truth and who we are attempting to assist personally due to their desire.

We are hopeful that Perry works through his current emotions. We have discussed with him his sexual addictions and anger with women many times in the past, and will also be talking to him about the lack of ethics and morality if he wants us to.

We are quite sure that Nicky will be able to address some of these shortcomings of the forum and the Divine Truth Experience YouTube Channel. We have also offered to discuss with him any matter he wishes to raise.

However, the forum in particular is a very large undertaking with many serious responsibilities associated with it to ensure that was is shared and taught is in harmony with God's Truth. We applaud that Nicky acted upon his desire and took action and we understand perhaps much better than anyone how difficult the task of running such a forum is. It can be a great learning experience for everyone, but it also can be a vehicle difficult to control that gets swamped with unloving people and actions. It could present and discuss principles of God's Truth which was Nicky's primary intention, but it can also degrade into feeding the personal emotional addictions of individuals needing to have a voice which unfortunately is also happening. It requires constant dedication and effort to maintain. Jesus believes that having a forum is not in harmony with how God creates and this is why Jesus has not created a forum in the past. Everything that God creates is self-maintaining. Forums are definitely not self-maintaining unless everyone on them is completely in harmony with God's Loving Laws, which is difficult to achieve at this point.

We feel our decision to remove ourselves will provide Nicky and Perry the opportunity to work on their own attractions separate from the traffic they receive as a result of our endorsement and from links on the Divine Truth website, blog and in Divine Truth office emails, and to measure whether a forum in particular is harmonious with their ability to create self-maintaining loving structures. This allows us to spend our precious time in a more effective manner.

While I haven't been acting as a moderator for sometime, I am now officially withdrawing from this role. I may still post from time to time but by remaining a moderator I would be implying that I have some awareness of what is happening on the forum at any given time and I just don't have the time to be able to guarantee that. It is more ethical to remove myself as a moderator, so that no misunderstandings occur. Jesus was never involved as a moderator because he did not wish to use his time policing, controlling or responding to situations and people using the written word (the slowest and most ineffective form of communication) when it is far more powerful to have personal face to face interactions with them. Many people can have years of seemingly loving and kind interactions on the internet only to become very unloving, spiteful and angry when in personal interactions with Jesus. He also finds that people more often than not cannot understand with their soul what he spends many hours attempting to (he believes ineffectually) put in written words, and many are still having great difficulty understanding what he is saying to them even when he is in their company in face to face interactions. One reason he continues to work on himself is so that he can more effectively teach the Truth that he personally knows very well.

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 11:37 am
by Amanda Stracey
Kate

Thank you very much for recommending the talk above. I feel it has so much to say about the emotional reasons/fears and justifications we/I have for not wanting to live differently or truly honour the path God has created for us.

As Mary says also, it's very easy to assume that we understand what is being taught (or already know it anyway!) when we don't have the first idea.

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2016 12:34 am
by Darragh
On 'resistance'. I'll just add a recent experience or unraveling observation. I have my own methods for seeking milestones in my life where I created resistance in this case. The memory for me was birth. My feeling was that I was born into a active/reactive world. A world where actions and reactions are orchestrated to service adictions. For me ignorance, side-steping, emotional numbness, verbal shutdown, physical fatigue, distraction, solitude...etc were but a few ways I would resist oncoming opertunity to feel the emotion. Contemplate what happened at birth In rememberence of yourself. Give up intellectualising until it's complete. You will feel done, and it will be instantly archived. I have two bundles; 1 Feelings from my reactions and others actions, 2, blocked emotions that would have 'then' nutralised future occurance of those feelings. (Forgiveness and repentance). Best undetstanding is post action. I never understood the necessary emotion before the flow of the same emotion. So that's my take on 'resistance'.
With love, Darragh

Re: Rebellion and Resistance to God's Way

Posted: Tue Oct 04, 2016 11:27 pm
by Kate
Thanks for sharing about your experiences Courtney, that helped me see a few things.

I’m in a similar position on some of the things you mentioned Riza, like wanting to be intellectually dominant and understand everything rather than surrendering intellectual control and letting emotions be dominant, feeling angry when addictions are not met but struggling to really connect with my anger and get beyond just angry, feeling ‘bad’ about having this anger that I’m not sincerely dealing with (judgement), living in these emotions (feeling depressed and unhappy).

A couple of things Courtney shared in the thread particularly stood out for me:

1. The importance of connecting to the childhood anger and feeling the anger related towards those in our childhood who caused damage to us. From what I understand but have not yet personally experienced, this is where the forgiveness process begins and real change and connection with God can occur.

For myself, I’ve noticed that I actively resist feeling the anger in relation to those who damaged to me in my childhood. I’m very much still trying to maintain denial of childhood memories and pain, and get “love” from my mum and dad (what I’ve been taught that love is = satisfaction of addictions = co-dependence). I do this even though I’m aware that my addictive needs are insatiable and my parents have not demonstrated a capacity or desire to love me. So I’m basically living in a fantasy about this and completely disconnected from the reality of the situation!! However my compulsion to retain fear-based beliefs is not overcome even by this intellectual awareness of my delusion.

So for those of us who are not there yet, I suppose it requires deconstructing what is blocking us from connecting like Courtney did? I can see for myself I have addictions and expectations I am dearly holding onto that help me retain emotional denial and avoid my past pain.

2. The dynamic of Pain & Action. It’s been touched on a number of times before in different Divine Truth presentations and here on the forum, about how the majority of us will wait until we are in a high level of distress before we surrender and let our emotions overwhelm us. AJ even said that this is how it happened for him. So it seemed like this was what your described Courtney, that you were just in so much personal distress at the time (“rock bottom”) and there was almost no alternative.

That reminded me of a discussion during the ‘Developing My Will To Love’ Assistance Group:

20160226-1030 Session 2 Reminders & Homework Review

The circumstances Courtney described had some differences to what AJ spoke of in that segment, but just thought to mention that relationship of distress and emotional surrender.