(Quote from Nicky in this board)If we truly wanted to repent, we would acknowledge that the action we took to harm another was unloving. We would then allow ourselves to feel the deep grief associated with harming that person whilst also attempting to look even deeper within ourselves to find the cause of why we took the action initially in order to fix it. If the cause is found and grieved, the change will be permanent and we will never take the same action again in the future.
I have found this to happen the other way round several times - I go through an emotion of grief about something that happened to me (or my mum or dad etc), and then I suddenly see also how this very denied emotion has been the root of me choosing to behave mean towards others, which in turn makes me feel how sad that must have been for both the people I was mean towards, but also feeling the sadness in me for allowing myself to do such things. Would that be a sign of me being more resistant than I should be, about repentance (if I was truly humble, the harm I've done would be the first to pop up when I wanted to release that very set of emotions)? I.e. I don't allow myself to see that harm I've done first, but instead need to release how I've felt about the causal reason before I fully realize the harm I've caused from it as well?