Hi Abram
I'm interested in talking about confusion because I've found that I've been incredibly confused about Divine Truth teachings and resistant to applying them sincerely in my life, It took me quite a long time to even realise or admit how confused I've been. For some people it has seemed really easy or easier anyway to get on with prayer and receive Divine Love and address addictions and all that. I've found it much much harder, have been pretty hard on myself about that and got stuck there. The point I want to make about confusion though is I feel it is a cover or a place to live in that helps me avoid some fears so I suppose that means its an addictive feeling place. When I've lived in confusion I've noticed that I get
to avoid the following:
Making mistakes as I'm doing nothing
Feelings of being rejected by God
Many issues in my life such as
Not facing the truth of how I really feel about God and Prayer
Not facing the truth about my lack of faith in God and myself
Feeling my resistance to or wilfully looking away from what the Law of Attraction is bringing me already
Not seeing how much I want my addictions and not wanting to feel or not caring how they affect those around me and me and any possible relationship with God
Acknowledging and accepting the role my family have played in my damage
Acknowledging and accepting the role I have played in my family's damage
I've become very attached to this song as a great reminder of how lost I've felt and how much I've tried to cover that up by some semblance of knowledge:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5y_KJAg8bHI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Zuez10JnBI
I think many of us have focussed on Divine Truth teachings as a goal of emotional processing rather than having a personal loving emotional relationship with God, ourselves, others and our environment and a journey of coming to see/feel how God sees, feels and thinks.
There are a number of questions I would ask myself such as how much time do I spend praying and am I forcing myself to do that or am I passionate about it? How do I feel about asking for God's love or anything else? If I'm not praying why do I feel that is and what can I do about that - i.e. what is the process of sincerely and permanently changing a feeling in me? Do I feel any love towards God and want to give it? Basically what can I do to increase my desire for God?
I've just taken this extract from this talk for example (
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/241300)
"Only by developing desire and the prayer is about developing desire. So when we talk about the prayer in more detail in a minute you’ll see that it is about developing desire and understanding what’s going on within yourself, and how God connects to you. So that’s what the sample prayer is really all about. So my suggestion is to allow these desires to build and develop. Many of you have heard the information eighteen months ago about connection with God but many of you are feeling really frustrated still about the connection not happening for you. It seems to be happening for some people but obviously for many of us, it’s not happening. Now there’s a lot of reasons why and next week we’ll be having a talk about “Emotions of Self-Deception,” and there’ll be a whole big area there, where you’re preventing your connection with God, that we’ll talk about. So the key is to
understand those things, but the primary understanding that needs to get to us at the soul level, is this understanding that God loves you, God is a real person, a real being who loves you. God is going to be, for many of you, the closest relationship you will ever have. And when you have God as your closest relationship every other relationship will be enhanced because of that relationship. Your relationship with your soulmate for example will be enhanced."
I've quoted that passage as I was feeling from your postings about your interaction with your family/children that the relationships have become more difficult and fraught since you've heard about Divine Truth teachings so you may not believe as many of us don't that "every other relationship will be enhanced because of that relationship". I certainly have had the belief that people will ridicule and hate me for even wanting to know anything about God. That is directly related to some childhood stuff about the hatred of one parent for the other and being projected onto God. As if my desire for God has got to be my dirty little secret.
Also telling myself God's truth that God is showing me in my life right now the next thing to address but for some reason I'm not sensitive to it. I find this clip very useful to ponder especially about wanting a written instruction manual:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYvQdJYNq7c
Also I've just become aware of this audio on the Divine Truth website which you might find useful
https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/audi ... nation.mp3
There is a load of helpful truth and insight in there.