Unloving vs Not meeting Addictions

[juliana]

Hello! I'm not sure which board to post this question on so i'm posting it twice. But the second part is really related to the soulmate relationship so i think it belongs here...

My question is how can we know the difference between unloving behaviour and behaviour that isn't meeting our addictions? If behaviour is unloving, I think one option is to remove yourself. If behaviour is simply not meeting addictions I think one option is to allow this behaviour to continue since it could lead to ones growth. What are your thoughts? I am also particularly interested in unloving behaviour vs not meeting addictions behaviour from a soulmate since the tendency is to remain with the soulmate, but should you if they are being unloving?

[Courtney]

Hi Juliana,

The best way to know whether someone is being unloving to you versus just not meeting your addictions and you’re upset about that is to seek God’s truth about it and God's definition of love. Our own concepts of what is love and not love are so skewed from our families and the world at large that they are extremely unreliable frames of reference.

So seeking a relationship with God and wanting God’s truth on a subject or issue in your life is the best way to go about it. We have to want to know what God feels love is, not what we feel love is. And we always need to be careful about pointing the finger at the other person in a relationship before looking at what demands and expectations we might have. Whether they’re really being unloving to us versus just not meeting our demands, addictions and expectations is something we have to seek the truth about from a humble place. And we have to be willing to see the truth about ourselves, as there are many times we can perceive the other person is hurting us when in fact we are being just as unloving or even far more so than they are, and in some cases they may not even be being unloving at all towards us.

One of the easiest ways you can easily know if your addiction is not getting met (regardless of whether the other person is being unloving) is whether you get angry (or even if it's milder, like annoyed or frustrated) in a situation. Anger always indicates an addiction is not being met.

In the meantime, you can also get an intellectual grasp on what is unloving behavior from others vs. your addictions not getting met by watching some of the seminars Jesus and Mary have presented relating to this topic, after which you can start exploring things emotionally. I’d recommend:

Partner Relationships videos: full length https://www.youtube.com/user/WizardShak ... lationship and the FAQ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... mPCdZ6iX9L

Addictions videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/WizardShak ... addictions

“The World’s Definition of Love”: https://www.youtube.com/user/WizardShak ... on+of+love

Jesus has said many times it is never loving to remain with someone who is being unloving towards us, even if that person is our soulmate. And if we are staying with someone who is truly not treating us well, whether they're our soulmate or not, it's best to leave the relationship until the person was willing to work on their unloving behavior. If we're being abused and we choose to stay, that is always because of our own addictions and fears.

Hope this helps--best of luck!

Courtney