Fear of Personal Change

[Kate]

Hi all,

I'm focussed on this topic at the moment as i've realised it is the key area for me if I am going to progress towards God and grow in love. By ‘Fear of Change’ I am referring to three interconnected emotional issues that Cornelius discussed in talks presented at Assistance Groups in 2014.

1. Lack of Faith
- In God
- In myself
2. Fear of Emotional Overwhelm
3. Resistance to God’s Truth

20140712 Fear Of Change
20140728 Fear Of Change

Sometimes I now call these ‘Corny’s 3’

I found it really helpful to hear Mary share about her experience with deconstructing these emotions (2:35 into the following presentation).

20140731 Challenging Addictions

It’s becoming clear to me that I’m not going to demonstrate much sincerity about my personal and permanent soul change until I begin to release these blocking emotions. I’ve also been growing in awareness that not releasing these emotions is the cause of much of the pain in my day to day life: I make unloving choices even though I am aware this is wrong, I live in addictions holding onto my pain instead of feeling it, I resist opening my heart to God in prayer, I leave myself open to suppression and influence from spirits who also don’t want me to change.

I'm interested in discussing this topic as it seems to be such a key one that lays the groundwork for us to learn about love and engage with God. I’d be very keen to hear from people who have begun to work on these issues, about anything they feel could help a person who is yet to make that shift. Like what helped you get into the blocking emotions? What was the thing you did or were going through just before making the shift?

Thanks,

Kate

[Mary]

Hi Kate,

I found that a crucial step in progressing from the point you are at now was to want to become sensitive to and to experience the anger that I was harbouring (under my facade). I was raging about a lot of things. Opening up to feeling the anger led to me being able to feel through a number of false beliefs I had that were driving my anger.

For example,
I had no faith that the process of feeling emotions would work,
I believe/d that being open emotionally would lead to others treating me in a condescending manner and (because I didn't want to experience the grief of that projection) it was pointless feeling my emotions,
I believe that God loved others but I had no desire or belief that I was worthy of His Love
I had no faith in my personal capacity to literally live through the process of being overwhelmed emotionally.

All of these false beliefs I kept buried under façade and suppressing them in this way, they fuelled my rage.

What I notice for yourself is that you still judge your rage, and most of your other emotions and you rely on your intellect to analyse your experiences and your understanding of Divine Truth.

Both of these blocks prevent you from simply surrendering to your rage and discovering the emotional beliefs that are driving your anger.

I noticed that you responded to a post by Patricia who shared an experience she had with feeling her anger: http://forum.divinetruthhub.com/viewtop ... p=910#p910

In what you said to Patricia, you actually highlighted a lot of your judgements of the uncontrolled experience of rage. Instead of feeling your response to what she had written, you judged what Patricia had done as wrong. This shows me how you judge your own rage and free expression of emotions.

You were also quite condescending towards Patricia and her experience. This also shows me the kind of judgement you must be directing towards yourself when you think of being open and expressive emotionally.

It would assist you heaps to begin to recognise how harshly you are judging yourself, your emotions and how 'weak' you feel it would make you if you were to be soft to your emotions all the time.

At present you use self judgement, judgement of emotions and your intellectual reasoning to help you control and suppress your emotional experience.

All these things have assisted me a great deal in opening up emotionally though I am still progressing in this area myself.

Bye for now,
Mary

[Kate]

Hi Mary,

I'm sorry my level of resistance has come to the point of requiring this to be spelled out so directly to me before I will see the truth.

Thanks for your advice.

Kate

[Pierrejoseph]

Hi Kate and Mary,

thanks for sharing, I feel in quite a very similar case as Kate is facing, living in my facade, being stuck in my progression (if I can only speak of "progression") and projecting a lot of my underneath rage onto myself in judging me (addiction). I just got mouth ulcer these days which are God's way to show me this perfectly.

I feel it is not OK to be weak as I feel inside, I have to be strong and if I am emotional and express my rage, oh TERROR (where is terror in in the smileys?), I will be completely rejected and judged by people. I am actually already rejected but that is a false belief I got to feel.

I find Mary's post here very very helpful.

Thanks

Pierre