Re: Sincerity in people
Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2016 5:50 am
Hi Nicky,
its ok about you posting the stuff. I wasn't sensitive about you posting Mary's response publicly, as I thought it would be good to expose the spirit influence on my part in these exchanges. I do however understand why Mary did not want it go publicly which I appreciate, and makes sense to me. Actually her decision to not publicise her feedback to me, has exposed another hidden addiction I have, of being harsh with myself, and actually wanting to be punished.
I guess from God's perspective it should be less to do with what anyone states publicly about me, but more what I think of myself, or what God thinks of me. However I don't think I feel the same.
While this is very obscured and somehow masochistic, I am finding that I am actually ok about people think bad about me, as this only proves to me that I am bad, and greatly helps me stay in my addiction of self blame.
Overall my sensitivity was about how I myself understood the 'negative spirit influence'; how I have interpreted what Mary & Jesus said, to be my 'hidden' agenda dark and manipulative same as Chad and Reed.
Which is not true.
Yet, I did have a major meltdown about being bad and bringing the forum's condition of love down due to my own condition of love, and this is why I have initially reacted and made a comment about stepping away.
And there is a cause to it all. Which is hard for me to get a grip on still.
Needless to say that these exchanges have exposed many addictions, which I am still a bit devastated about to be honest.
thank you all,
Lena
its ok about you posting the stuff. I wasn't sensitive about you posting Mary's response publicly, as I thought it would be good to expose the spirit influence on my part in these exchanges. I do however understand why Mary did not want it go publicly which I appreciate, and makes sense to me. Actually her decision to not publicise her feedback to me, has exposed another hidden addiction I have, of being harsh with myself, and actually wanting to be punished.
I guess from God's perspective it should be less to do with what anyone states publicly about me, but more what I think of myself, or what God thinks of me. However I don't think I feel the same.
While this is very obscured and somehow masochistic, I am finding that I am actually ok about people think bad about me, as this only proves to me that I am bad, and greatly helps me stay in my addiction of self blame.
Overall my sensitivity was about how I myself understood the 'negative spirit influence'; how I have interpreted what Mary & Jesus said, to be my 'hidden' agenda dark and manipulative same as Chad and Reed.
Which is not true.
Yet, I did have a major meltdown about being bad and bringing the forum's condition of love down due to my own condition of love, and this is why I have initially reacted and made a comment about stepping away.
And there is a cause to it all. Which is hard for me to get a grip on still.
Needless to say that these exchanges have exposed many addictions, which I am still a bit devastated about to be honest.
thank you all,
Lena