Moderating Guide - Checklist & Considerations

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Moderating Guide - Checklist & Considerations

Post by Nicky » Wed Jan 20, 2016 7:40 pm

Hi Guys

Just thought I'd amalgamate the guidance Mary/Jesus have provided us with over the past 10 days or so. I think it would be a good idea to get it all in one thread and sticky it here.

Obviously, huge thanks to Mary for her time and care in gifting this to us and a big thanks to Eloisa for recording it all down and sharing on the forum!



[*]Suggestion: Feel about each of the strikes we have given, why did we give them? what were our feelings? Feel about what we are really feeling with each person. Feel about what was going on for us personally. Feel about what we have done and what we feel the best course of action to correct these things would be. We can then run our thoughts and ideas by Mary when we have had a go at feeling about what we feel would be best first.

[*]There are lessons for each of us about feeling here. Feeling how we personally feel, learning about opening up to feel others

[*]Nicky you are really open to your feelings - which is awesome, many people are far more shut down than you are and they may take some times to get to a point of even understanding what it means to be emotional in a real way.

[*]Our (Nicky, Lena, Eloisa) intentions are sincere and we ‘want to do a good job’ just make sure we are not getting hard about giving feedback to others.

A really important point I want to stress was that my major concern was for the addictive tendencies I could feel emerging in the way that you all were moderating. You have often been correct in feeling that there is a problem with addiction or attack in other forum members but because you were not feeling your own emotions in response to these things meant that you were tending to either become harsh or rigid with people or avoiding striking altogether.

[*]We have an opportunity to be examples and have the opportunity of demonstrating humility, being truthful and loving with ourselves and others. We can share our own personal addictions and experiences and be open and transparent about them (this would benefit others and ourselves).

[*]The purpose of the forum is to learn about Love this means that we need to give the opportunity to do just that - Learn. We want the forum to be a place that people feel safe to open up and to share. If we are harsh they are going to learn that actually it is not okay to be honest and feel they will be punished for doing so.

I want to stress though that I am not encouraging you here to start to PANDER to people and addictively try to 'help' them see their issues by being all soft and conciliatory when pointing things out. :) In other words, don't now go in the opposite direction.

[*]Always give an opportunity (unless completely abusive), God does this, gives me an opportunity and responds when I take the loving action in a positive way

By this I mean that it is really loving to give a person one initial opportunity to see their addiction before striking them. I like how you have now started to just use the warning system Nicky to help people with this, but also you have been good at this in past pointing out the addiction you see them acting in pretty promptly. That was good - don't stop now just because you have the meeting room to talk to each other about it. A good example is with Cari - because you had initially pointed out her facade, it made it easier to reinforce that point later on in her most recent strikes.

[*]Be loving giving feedback, direct, kind and Firm when we are hard on ourselves we are often the same with others

[*]Focus on educating people on the PRINCIPLES of God’s Truth

Dont feel like you have to know their emotions - you can get stuck and even make mistakes when you try to over reach. If you aren't sure on what is driving a person then just be really clear about how they are being unloving and how that relates to the terms of use. That is really all I see the moderators role to be. Any feedback beyond that to assist a person with their issues is a GIFT and not obligatory.

[*]Look at weather a person is abusive or not, there are varying degrees of intent to harm others e.g. willful and conscious all the way to totally clueless about their addiction and how it effects others and themselves.

[*]We need to stop allowing people who are abusive and attacking in anyway, immediately, rather than giving them more opportunities to be abusive. Very important!!

[*]Each of us needs to become more aware of what is going on, firstly for ourselves and then also between abusers and those being abused VERY important to do this. At the moment we are letting abusers get away with stuff

[*]Stop being heavy on people who are like ourselves who have some sincerity and are giving its a go. Instead, give them encouragement. We need to encourage those who are self reflective, encourage those who are honest and truthful with how they feel, while also highlighting issues of love. So when someone is humble we want to say ‘yes this is great, keep doing this!!’ when they are attacking we want to address that swiftly and not give attention and time to that.

[*]Take the opportunity to educate people in the principles and see how the person responds to it. If they respond well, great keep on going. If they respond in an attacking manner address that in the moment.

This is especially true if you are struggling to feel exactly what is going on with a person emotionally. Give them first the opportunity to see how their behaviour on the forum is unloving, highlight the princicple of love involved (this may happen via a post, a warning or a strike, but this gives a person the opportunity to display more of their underlying emotional condition to you. So if you look at how Cari responded to Lena's initial apology or how Tara responded to Patricia's openness about her error you immediately see how little they desire to look at themselves and the next action is very clear.

[*]Use the opportunity as a tool to educate - explain things, be humble, share ourselves more openly.
Example Lena’s interaction with Chad, she could share what happened, the attraction, her feelings about it, what was really going on, how she acted out and then what happened afterwards and what she has learnt, felt about and found out going through the experience. Or Eloisa’s reaction to Abram, when she has felt about WHY she did what she did she can share what was really going on, without self punishing

All three of you (especially Nicky and Lena) still have the fear that if you are open then you will be attacked - you are afraid people will behave towards you as Tara and Cari have.

[*]Give the opportunity - particularly when someone is new - give feedback and see what happens. If have given lots of feedback in the past then might be more onto it and if it gets extreme may even strike. At the moment we are using strikes when often we ought to issue warnings.
Example: Angry response, explain about it, there is projecting it and there is owning it. Explain the difference, let people know that projecting anger is not okay and owning it is, that honesty is encouraged on the forum. We don’t want the forum to be a place that people don’t feel they can actually express themselves honestly and openly

You don't want to encourage MORE facade among forum members. You also don't want to allow projection. You need to discern what is honest openness about emotion and what is projection and help other forum members see the difference as well. I know that that can be tricky but it is important.

[*]How we feel is SO important - if we feel the desire to shut people down then don’t give the feedback till we have worked through that feeling. We can say - ‘I feel something going on here’, but at the moment we are often not feeling through the issues properly and we end up attributing a feeling/addiction etc that is not the actual feeling/addiction etc that is truely going on.

[*]Feel our feelings FIRST. The dynamics and attractions are the Law of Attraction trying to show us stuff personally. This is about us and our injuries as well as those who are attracted to the forum
This is so important.

[*]If we have a feeling/addictions coming out of us, it doesn’t matter what words we are saying the feeling is stronger and the person feels and responds to that.
Example Lena and Chad’s interaction Lena was saying some really good things, but it was the addiction that was dictating the interaction we need to get sensitive to the feelings we have before we are going to be sensitive to others feelings.

[*]our feelings are far more powerful than our words, so when we say something even if the words are correct if there is an addiction coming out of us and we are meeting the addiction in another they will not take notice of the words

[*]Our job is to correct error when we recognise it, in a loving manner

[*]Warnings rather than strikes:

[*]When something is really out of line call it IMMEDIATELY with a warning such as with Rita R, we left this too long, then you have the opportunity to see how they react. Reply to what is going on NOW rather than weeks or even a few posts previously as things are changing rapidly.

[*]Giving Warnings and issuing strikes without explanation could be a good way for us to approach this, might choose to give brief feedback but don’t have to. It might take the pressure of us a bit to. The revised use of the warning tool sounds like a good idea. We can write a short note up and issue a warning

[*]issue warnings rather than striking people straight out (unless they are really nasty such as for example Chad got or have received heaps of feedback and taken no actions consistently like Spirit influenced 2 having been given HEAPS of opportunities to change chose to not take them)

[*]Be transparent, say we don’t know what is going, if we don’t know what is going on. We can even say ‘ I feel something is going on here and I don’t know what it is’. Lead by example. I would probably say that it is important to issue warnings and strikes swiftly when it is really clear that there is an issue of love. All three of you can usually see this pretty much straight away. If you can identify HOW someone is being unloving towards themselves or others then you don't have to say "I don't know what is going on." You do. You just might be unclear as the exact cause and that is not your responsibility to know anyway. When there are other threads when you feel there is some kind of addiction at play it is less urgent to issue warnings immediately - you still want to be prompt but it is not as urgent as those who are clearly unloving. And then it may be that you say "I'll have more clarity on what is going on here soon but I am seeing this or issuing a warning about that. You can't really warn someone about something if you have no idea what it is!

[*]If we had shared our concerns publicly rather than only in the meeting room it could have benefited all. Example, stating to Rita R that something was off and issuing her with a warning straight up rather than waiting and two posts later it no longer really applying.
Rita's treatment of Maureen was a strike not a warning - it was extreme and needed to be addressed quickly

[*]If we don’t have to know what people are feeling. We can still be clear about the issue of love involved
example:“ I don’t know what you are feeling here because I have my personal emotions that are still not worked through, BUT you have said to me that: ‘ I am just like your mother’ and I am not behaving in the way that your mother does towards you, so you are projecting something onto me that is not true. This tends to indicate that you have an addiction that I am not meeting and you are blaming me and using the fury that I am just like your mother to disguise your upset at not having addictions met. If I was like your mother then I could accept that you were being humble. But since I'm not you are not actually feeling a true emotion. I notice in my own experience that often we are blaming and punishing of women who are kind to us and attributing things that do not belong to them to them and placating angry women and treating them better because we are more afraid of them. (both Lena and Eloisa have stuff they can share on these types of interactions personally).

[*]Love is patient

[*]Most people go through a period of wanting to talk about everything and ask everyone everything, if they are exploring and just asking questions then answer as best we can, be really open with our own experiences and what we have learnt, what we have been through and how we have done it, what we did, and how we did it. Speak about what we know and avoid being hypocritical

Example, Eloisa 2 years ago asked heaps of questions and felt very little about anything, Jesus and Mary gave me time, were patient, pointed out error - the biggest ones - and let me try a heap of stuff and experiment. They demonstrated Love through their actions. They were consistent, they were soft with me, They were patient, explained things SO many times to me in many different ways and were always firm and truthful upholding Truth and Love, but never harsh, hard or horrid in anyway, it was this example that has helped me the most and if we are to be examples, then I feel I personally need to be more like God is with me and how Jesus and Mary have treated me rather than like I am now - which means I need to feel WHY I am hard and ‘punishing’ at times. It has often been this contrast with how others have treated me that has helped me the most


Focus on the PRINCIPLES

When attractions happen and/or feedback is given REFLECT in every area of my life, focus on the issue so the person gets the point, the principle rather than the story

Can’t give strikes unless you know there is a definite issue/breach of love. If you know how they are breaking an aspect of Love then can strike. Do I know what is happening and how is it out of harmony with love?

If I am not sure don’t strike. I need to know what the issue is before I can give a strike

it is loving to give an explanation/feedback to understand the principles of love involved

Getting all involved in stories is messy

There are a few things that could be going on with people:

1. Overtly abusive people - we mostly recognise these people, need to strike them immediately

2. Resistive, justifying injury, devious, nasty and facade people who have already had feedback

3. I am in addiction and I am completely clueless - these people get warnings and explain their behaviour to them so they can see what is going on can share from experience, example ‘ I did this, this is me in addiction, look at me I’m learning” smile
Eloisa did a great one with being in addiction with Abram, (I will use this as an example of what NOT to do in the near future, smile)

4. super abusive people that are clear to everyone, e.g. Jesus and Mary haters, people like Pam - this is not a good use of my time to give lots of feedback and lengthy explanations UNLESS it is for the purpose of educating others about what is going on. e.g. MM’s feedback to chad was much shorter

there are some things to look out for, example Chad - doesn’t want the feedback and usually there is an addictive reason why I want to give feedback to someone who doesn’t want it. example I don’t want to feel how hurt I feel so I feed their addiction to avoid my own feelings

Making mistakes is okay, we are learning.

Often we have a feeling of wanting to be perfect before we begin. we are punishing ourselves for engaging a pure desire and wanting to Learn in regards to the forum. Part of the problem is being harsh on ourselves.

God is not harsh, and as Nicky shared with his experience of how God felt towards him God is gentle and kind. Also God was like that with Nicky because Nicky was sincere about it.

There is a difference between a sincere person and a rebellious and ‘justifying my sin person’. Treat those who are rebellious more firmly with a warning particularly those who are justifying their sin. Those who are more sincere give more time to

at times we are wanting to believe the facade people are presenting rather than feeling their true intentions

Be real and open God can work with that

What children learn under shame and terror is much less than what they learn when they are loved

When in addiction we cannot learn

Lena, Eloisa trying to get emotions from other women due to not wanting to feel the hurt with mum

A real friendship will be one when there is no acting out in addictions (how cool will this be!)

communisation is taking not giving



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