I have been praying for guidance and direction. Which way to go, there are so many issues. But I was lead back to the one that I had set aside....dealing with the emotions of my mother. It is indeed just as AJ and Mary say...just because you put space and boundaries on your parents, if you don't deal with those emotions, your law of attraction will continue to bring you more just like them. I know mine did, my Realtor and the neighbor that I moved right next to. Talk about too close for comfort! Ha! Ha!
So what happened is that I have arrived back at the beginning..my mother and my father even actually. He is the one that I portrayed as the "saint" in all this, because at least he spent some time with me....yeah when it was convenient! But he was really just using me as a way to avoid dealing with his own emotions. AJ says that we want to skip around and just address the small things which is true, but indeed it is the elephant in the room that is keeping us from getting free!
So to the point here, I was watching the talks on The Human Soul-Sexual Attraction parts one and two. At the end of part 2, they recommended some books.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cW0FkfhUHAc Part 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjBketDnlFs Part 2
The book The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting was one of them.
Book link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/039332 ... ge_o00_s01
I ordered it, but I could not wait to get to it and I noticed that there is an audible icon on the page, so that meant someone was reading it out loud. Perfect! This is only 5 1/2 hours long when someone else is reading it and I can take notes. It is more like a talk or a teaching doing it this way. (It took me more like 10 hours with notes and distractions) I also found out that if you have amazon prime you can download the Audible Manager application and get 2 books for free for 30 days! Excellent! I have never listened to an audio book before and in this specific case I found it most helpful. Hearing the words being spoken out loud confirmed everything my hurt child felt and believed. It addressed my mother and father issues miraculously and allowed me to feel about telling the truth about not being loved by my parents and even more than that, that I do not love my mother either.
In recent conversations with her I have told her everything except that I do not love her for fear of her reaction and even my sister's reaction as well if she goes on and tells her. This let me feel that now it is ok and even safe to do so...that I will NOT go up in flames for telling the truth that my body/soul knows that I have been avoiding since my childhood years. This fear comes because whenever I tried to discuss this with my father he shut me down and I had a fear of being hurt or punished by him and I have carried this throughout my life in numerous areas as well....afraid to feel and tell the truth for fear of repercussions.
Thank you so much Mary and AJ for recommending this book...it definitely did not disappoint and I am here smiling from ear to ear. All these women spirits with me will need to hit the road!
Warm regards,
Cari
I just hung up with phone with my mother. I told her that I will no longer tell her that I love her, because that is not how I feel about her at this time and I have not for a long time either. It was pretty short and simple and didn't go off in a long winded discussion, so I was thankful for that. She is having issues with her health and has made it clear that she will not deal with her emotions or "allow anyone to upset her any longer" so she actually took it easier than I thought. But she usually lets things marinate and then calls me back, so I am sure she will...but at least I did it! Whew!