Introducing myself

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linn
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Introducing myself

Post by linn » Mon Sep 07, 2015 11:50 pm

Hello!

My name is Linn, I am 38, I liv in Norway, close to Oslo.

I moved back to Norway last year after living in Israel for about 4 years.

I grew up often feeling that God was there somewhere and I used to pray for help and protection in rough times as a child. My family life was difficult and unloving. Thankfully my mom got interested in self development and thaught me that I can work through my inner pain.

I have been blessed with freedom to make up my own mind about God and Jesus. I never felt that Jesus was God. As I remember, my mom told me he was an enlightend man that thaught people about love.

I remember my first emotional experience with Gods Truth, lying on my bed and listening to a duett with Celine Dion and Barbara Streisand, "Tell him", when I was about 20 years old. When I listened to the lyrics a penny dropped for me. Love is a gift! Up until then love(approval) had been something I wanted/needed from other people. As I realized this I was completely overwhelmed by a feeling of love and joy as my tears were running. I had never felt that way before. That changed how I related to others from beeing needy to more giving.

After spending a long time in the Sinai desert(1999), constantly outdoor night and day, by the Red Sea or inside the mountain vallies, spending most of my time alone with myself and God or with people with a strong faith, my faith in God became the strongest as it had ever been. I did not understand why at the time, but after listening to the Divine Truth's youtube channel I started to understand the prosesses I had been through. Hanging out in the desert forced me to face my personal truth. I think it was because of the monotone surroundings with nothing to draw my attention, I was automatically drawn inwards to connect to the reality inside me. Thankfully I had enough faith and gourage to let my emotions flow, and it led me to experience some Divine Love. I also connected to some of my desires, like handcraft and painting.

Studying at the Rudolf Steiner Academy learning about the human growth and development from conception until adult (from Steiners perspective) was like going through my childhood once again and gave me the chance to prosess some emotions. I thought I had fixed myselft after that. Off course I came to realize I had only scraped the surface

I made some really poor choises regarding men, abortion, work. I felt like my soul was sinking into darkness and I burned myself out(because of all my resistance of being overwhelmed by shame and deep deep grief about the terrible things I had done to myself and others).

When I for about three years ago reached the point where I was unable to keep getting my addictions propperly met or feed my husbands addictions, having experiences with spirits scaring me in the night, being constantly triggered by my law of attraction, the rage was building up so much I was scared of how much I wanted to hurt others, I searched in desperation for help. That is when my mom sent me a link to Divine Truth Youtube channel. When I heard the videos about prosessing emotions, it really confirmed my own previous experiences, and gave me a much deeper understanding of it. That really helped me to strengthen my will to feel my emotions again and having the courage to feel the pain. I am so incredibly thankful for the work Mary and Jesus is doing to help us help ourselves. It feels hard to even grasp how much they love us all.

Now I am in a superchallenging situation, going through seperation from the man I was married to, where I feel my big challenge until now is to have enough self love, keeping good and healthy boundaries and stand firm with them and not let my fear control me and to be honest and loving in the same time (I felt like I was more honest than loving :oops: ...).
I have fear that he might succeed to convince people with authority that I am mentally and emotionally unstable and a member of a dangerous Jesus-cult and succeed to take the kids with him to his home country and keep them far away from me and make them religious as he himself have resently become. I am even scared of posting this in case it is visible to outsiders and potentially can be used against me. But I have a desire to be a part of this forum, so I will.

When I a couple of days ago reminded myself that this is my law of attraction I could not help but weep.
But in spite of the fact that I feel powerless and helpless and that life is unfair I feel strengthened and supported by choosing to stand up for what I feel is truth and loving (which has been a huge challenge in itself to even trust myself while being terrifyed of making mistakes).
I am still afraid of spirit attacks and feel like I am not able to protect myself or the children against it. I also struggle with how to relate to the kids in the middle of this, if and how to talk about any issues we are facing. They are still very small. I have been struggeling with resistance to praying too...but I can feel my will is growing and I have had a long period now where I naturally pray almost every evening with the children. Sometimes I feel sencere, sometimes not. And when I do I feel some love flowing.
I feel I am really getting to know and feel the real me (or the wounded me) So this is were I feel I am at at this point.

I have been a member of DT facebook groups, where I felt really scared to post anything. After reading your terms of use I was very happy and exighted an I felt that this forum is a safe place to share and wonder. Thank you very much, Nicky, for making such a loving space for us all.

I am looking forward to see what my law of attraction brings me in here, and getting feedback in order to help me see what I am currently unable to.

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Teresa French
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Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:52 am
Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Re: Introducing myself

Post by Teresa French » Mon Sep 07, 2015 11:56 pm

Hi Linn. And welcome! It's nice to meet you. I was fascinated by your time in the desert living outside and am curious as to what you did there if you don't mind me asking?
Enjoy the forum, i have found it a place for growth personally and I haven't yet embraced it fully!
Cheers
Teresa

Elvira
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Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 12:13 pm

Re: Introducing myself

Post by Elvira » Tue Sep 08, 2015 12:18 am

Thanks for your story Linn, it gave me a lot to reflect about.

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Teresa French
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Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2015 5:52 am
Location: Uralla, New South Wales, Australia

Re: Introducing myself

Post by Teresa French » Tue Sep 08, 2015 1:15 am

Elvira's comment stopped me short. Thank you Elvira - how much I skim... I have been doing it here, and constantly saying it too - and do it in other areas of my life too (oh, I'll get to that later - and of course later never comes). It feels like God is showing me it's later... time to get onto this.

Thanks again, and thank you Linn for much for me to reflect on too.

Teresa

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Nicky
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Re: Introducing myself

Post by Nicky » Tue Sep 08, 2015 6:10 pm

Hi Linn

Welcome to the forums here. I really enjoyed reading your intro post especially the experiences you had before you even knew about the Divine Truth teachings!
But in spite of the fact that I feel powerless and helpless and that life is unfair I feel strengthened and supported by choosing to stand up for what I feel is truth and loving (which has been a huge challenge in itself to even trust myself while being terrifyed of making mistakes).
Regarding the above section of your thread that I've quoted, I'd encourage you to surrender to those feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. I too have similar feelings and went through some of them in the recent past (they are not gone yet but getting smaller!) and it allowed a bit more of God's Love to flow in.

Nice to meet you.

Nicky

linn
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Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:34 am

Re: Introducing myself

Post by linn » Wed Sep 09, 2015 12:28 am

Hi Nicky.

Nice to meet you too!

You are absolutely right about surrendering :D . I have been doing that, in portions in this matter....and it is getting easier :) ....I just chickened out on being truly humble the last couple of weeks when my ex was around searching for anything he could use to proove my emotional instability. Now I feel like I missed a good oportunity, bacause it was a huge trigger for me. But I know I'll get back into it.

Hi Elvira. I am happy to read that you found something I wrote usefull. <3

Hello Teresa!
I'll be happy to share with you about my time in Sinai desert.

I lived in Jerusalem for six months when I was 7 years old. During this time my mom took us (me and my younger brother) to visit Sinai. When I was about 10 we stayed in Sinai for many months and we got to know a few local beduin families. I went travelling back to Sinai again in my early 20'ies. Sinai has been like a second home for me ever since. Now my mom is running a small beach camp there and lives there most of the year.

My first serious emotional prosess happened on a camel trip to the mountains. The trip lasted for 6 days. My attention had nothing to attract it outside after the first two hours of riding. The first 3 days I spent in painful resistance to feeling shameful about myself and I felt like I just wanted to die. During the 4th day I was unable to resist any longer and surrendered completely. I was riding and crying for quite a while, hiding my face behind my head scarf not to attract attention. Later that evening I questioned what the meaning of life was. Could it really be so empty and meaningless? I sat on a rock all by myself having a meeting with Earth, The Universe and God. All my problems shrank into nothing in a few seconds. I suddenly felt the Love flow into me. I was in total extacy. I realized that my life was an amazing gift that nobody could live for me. I suddenly felt deeply honoured to have recieved this gift and felt it as a honorable duty to live my life in a good way being true to my heart and soul. My soul was flying. And it lasted for a long period of time too :D (In my lack of awareness I totally missed the most obvious point in the answear I got: To long for and recieve Gods Love).
When I came back to our camp for the night I was a different person. If the others had noticed my emotional state before I tok off to be alone and the difference when I came back, they would probably think that I had taken drugs.

I feel Sinai is a great place to deal with emotional issues. There is much less distraction from the surroundings than in any other place I have been and lots of opportunities to just be with myself and feel. And the law of attraction is much more clear. I think it is because not many things happens there, and when something do happen, like meeting people or doing something else than relaxing, it simpy stands out if I want to see it.
And if I live in a simple place where I spend most or all my time outdoor, it connects me more with nature as well. And many of the locals have a strong faith in God.
I have seen many people looking 10 years younger after a couple of weeks in Sinai.(Probably also related to the fact that people drink much more water than they normally do)

One time i really wanted a safetypin for making bracelets. I prayed about that. Later I took a couple of friends for a walk into the nearest wally. And in the middle of the wally on the sandy and stony ground I found a perfect safetypin. What are the odds for that???

Sometimes I feel God is the coolest Dude ever!

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julie_bennion
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Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2015 5:04 am
Location: Santa Rosa, Ca. USA

Re: Introducing myself

Post by julie_bennion » Thu Oct 15, 2015 4:53 am

That's such an awesome story, Linn. More than "a story", it is "a testament" to the way God's Love finds its way in, when we open up! I could feel you in the retelling of your experience in Sinai. Sounds/feels like you were reliving the awesome gift & the wonder of it all.

Thank you also, for saying how it goes with your present situation & challenges. I am touched by all of that as well.

My heart goes out to you, sister.

<3 (I like to make that <3 symbol too),

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