Hi from Phoebe

[Phoebe Bruce]

Hi all,

My name is Phoebe, I currently live on a bush block half an hour out of Kingaroy, Australia.

I have felt afraid of introducing myself, I guess I feel that I don't know what to say/have anything to say! But here goes...

I have known of and listened to the teachings of Divine Truth on and off for probably 4 years, and moved to the Kingaroy area two years ago more out of trying to avoid my life and the intense emotions I was beginning to become aware of within me, than from a pure desire to live in rural Queensland. I am from Adelaide, Australia originally, and have lived in a number of places and done some interesting things, which have outwardly given me the appearance of having an 'interesting' and 'unique' and even desirable life. However inwardly I have always felt a dissatisfaction and I guess a black hole that no amount of travel or 'service' to others could fill. (I use inverted commas on the word service as I now am coming to see that true service is probably very different to what I have tried to force it to be in order to get some big addictions met)

I feel intensly interested in learning about God and the path in an intellectual way, but I struggle with the sincerity it takes to fully embrace a life of humility. I have lost count of the number of times i've had to get real about acknowledging to myself and to God that indeed i am right at the beginning of this process, and i still struggle a lot with self punishment and attack as a way of avoiding how badly I feel about myself around this issue. I have a big facade around wanting everyone to like me and find me to be a loveable, wordly, knowledgable and interesting person and I am finding the process of deconstruction of this facade to be very challenging.

In saying that, there are times when I feel the beauty in this journey towards God, The many gifts that God has given me become intensely obvious, and my heart cracks open just long enough to feel the beauty and power of God's truth. (Still working on the Love part...I feel so unworthy of it) My artistic gifts have been growing and developing, I am engaging in playing music (piano) again which I loved as a child, and I have recently begun studying to become an early childhood teacher. Nature speaks to me in new and sometimes incomprehensibly amazing ways and seeing God's laws in action often blows my mind.

I wish you all well on your journey, and look forward to interacting with you on this forum. Thanks to Nicky for starting it, (we were at the same assistance group but not sure if we even spoke...I was so bound up in my justified rage and resistance) I'm sure it must take a lot of time and effort to monitor and maintain.

Cheers,
Phoebe

[Nicky]

Hi Phoebe

Welcome to the forums. I have also found deconstructing my facade really challenging. I remember Jesus saying that it is probably the hardest thing we will ever do in our progression. I can certainly believe it considering when Mary said that it has taken her 5 years to make some serious progression on this front.

We did speak at the assistance group last year over dinner one evening with Daniel if I remember correctly. It's nice to speak with you again.

Nicky

[Jenny]

Hi Pheobe, your introduction really touched me. I can identify with much of what you wrote and I can feel your sincerity.

I appreciate the last part:

In saying that, there are times when I feel the beauty in this journey towards God, The many gifts that God has given me become intensely obvious, and my heart cracks open just long enough to feel the beauty and power of God's truth.

God is so good and it brings me such joy to read about how others experience God.

So thank you, for sharing.

Jenny