Hi All - from NY
Posted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:43 pm
Hello There,
First I'd like to thank Nicky for developing this desire to have an open forum while in alignment with Divine Truth principles. Thank you!
Up until a few months ago, I would've found this topic very easily to participate in, as I was heavily invested in my facade in showing others my 'best' self. Since working through this aspect, I find myself sharing with reticence, but am also happy for this opportunity.
My name is Marina Smargiannakis and I am a born-and-raised New Yorker. I grew up in a conservative Greek family, and I am first-generation born.
I lived in Greece from 2008-2011, in order to do some soul-searching. In that time, in 2009, I found myself watching my first DVD- Law of Attraction- about this guy who says he's Jesus, and also mentions a LOT of things about the Law of Attraction.
I will briefly say that the first time I watched the DVD, I started crying immediately and was floored by the fact that some random dude was verbalizing so many things I had felt and never said. My life has never been the same, and I share a great Love for Mary and Jesus for their awesomeness and care in sharing the greatest Truth out there. I love you both VERY much!
I am currently back in NY after re-connecting with my soulmate, someone I've known my entire existence. I am pretty obsessed with this topic, but the main reason is that I am very needy for my other half, as it gives me purpose. It is my favorite subject, and also the most difficult for me to work through, because it has so much to do with my own issues that I am afraid of. When I am not connected to my emotions, I feel many topics are a load of crap, and my suicidal tendencies increase. It is very embarrassing for me to write that publicly, but it is the truth.
I used to think that since I've known my soulmate my whole life, and I've reconnected with him after 15 years, that it made me 'cooler', or closer to some sort of truth about halves. The truth is though, I am in great addiction, and have pursued a lot of unloving relationships and actions to cover all of my fears and 'ease' my anger. My soulmate constantly chooses other partners, and then we will connect briefly, and so on. This has been very exhausting for me, and I feel tired, and sort-of tortured and hopeless about it these days.
I actually feel at this point, that, some of the beliefs that I carry about myself, and people in general, are so deeply embedded, I often make the comparison to it being like a 'limb'. Not believing, for example, that only thin, beautiful, people can have the best love and adoration is like cutting off my arm. That's just one example. I have understood that it's my mom's (and sisters) belief passed down, but I do not know how to heal that.
Anyway, though, I understand that working towards our relationship with God is truly the ONLY way to have permanent love in our lives, but at this moment, because of a lot of my anger that I have, along with my fear, I am not able to connect to God too much. I can't really connect to my Mom/Dad on a regular basis, but I AM making positive strides towards it. Most of the time, God seems as a 'Last Resort', and I hope to one day love Him with everything I have, and trust He/She wants the best for me.
Today I am actually a bit softer to my emotions, but it is usually not the case. Both Aj and Mary have given me excellent feedback regarding my demands, sexual terror, and what it is I actually fear will happen if I progress.
My #1 fear is that my feeling of 'I'm nothing' will be in full-force and that will be my main adjective to all who know me. Then it's being alone. Forever. Like a cat-lady, minus the cats.
I am a painter, and I enjoy doing commission pieces and painting for fun. I used to use it as an escape, and a form of identity. I feel different about that now.
I also work in Film Production, as a Production Coordinator, which is not as exciting as painting is to me.
That's my story, and looking to grow with my brothers and sisters on the only path that has ever made real sense and lasted.
Thanks!
First I'd like to thank Nicky for developing this desire to have an open forum while in alignment with Divine Truth principles. Thank you!
Up until a few months ago, I would've found this topic very easily to participate in, as I was heavily invested in my facade in showing others my 'best' self. Since working through this aspect, I find myself sharing with reticence, but am also happy for this opportunity.
My name is Marina Smargiannakis and I am a born-and-raised New Yorker. I grew up in a conservative Greek family, and I am first-generation born.
I lived in Greece from 2008-2011, in order to do some soul-searching. In that time, in 2009, I found myself watching my first DVD- Law of Attraction- about this guy who says he's Jesus, and also mentions a LOT of things about the Law of Attraction.
I will briefly say that the first time I watched the DVD, I started crying immediately and was floored by the fact that some random dude was verbalizing so many things I had felt and never said. My life has never been the same, and I share a great Love for Mary and Jesus for their awesomeness and care in sharing the greatest Truth out there. I love you both VERY much!
I am currently back in NY after re-connecting with my soulmate, someone I've known my entire existence. I am pretty obsessed with this topic, but the main reason is that I am very needy for my other half, as it gives me purpose. It is my favorite subject, and also the most difficult for me to work through, because it has so much to do with my own issues that I am afraid of. When I am not connected to my emotions, I feel many topics are a load of crap, and my suicidal tendencies increase. It is very embarrassing for me to write that publicly, but it is the truth.
I used to think that since I've known my soulmate my whole life, and I've reconnected with him after 15 years, that it made me 'cooler', or closer to some sort of truth about halves. The truth is though, I am in great addiction, and have pursued a lot of unloving relationships and actions to cover all of my fears and 'ease' my anger. My soulmate constantly chooses other partners, and then we will connect briefly, and so on. This has been very exhausting for me, and I feel tired, and sort-of tortured and hopeless about it these days.
I actually feel at this point, that, some of the beliefs that I carry about myself, and people in general, are so deeply embedded, I often make the comparison to it being like a 'limb'. Not believing, for example, that only thin, beautiful, people can have the best love and adoration is like cutting off my arm. That's just one example. I have understood that it's my mom's (and sisters) belief passed down, but I do not know how to heal that.
Anyway, though, I understand that working towards our relationship with God is truly the ONLY way to have permanent love in our lives, but at this moment, because of a lot of my anger that I have, along with my fear, I am not able to connect to God too much. I can't really connect to my Mom/Dad on a regular basis, but I AM making positive strides towards it. Most of the time, God seems as a 'Last Resort', and I hope to one day love Him with everything I have, and trust He/She wants the best for me.
Today I am actually a bit softer to my emotions, but it is usually not the case. Both Aj and Mary have given me excellent feedback regarding my demands, sexual terror, and what it is I actually fear will happen if I progress.
My #1 fear is that my feeling of 'I'm nothing' will be in full-force and that will be my main adjective to all who know me. Then it's being alone. Forever. Like a cat-lady, minus the cats.
I am a painter, and I enjoy doing commission pieces and painting for fun. I used to use it as an escape, and a form of identity. I feel different about that now.
I also work in Film Production, as a Production Coordinator, which is not as exciting as painting is to me.
That's my story, and looking to grow with my brothers and sisters on the only path that has ever made real sense and lasted.
Thanks!