Taking a leap of faith

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julie_bennion
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Taking a leap of faith

Post by julie_bennion » Wed Oct 07, 2015 2:31 am

Hi Everyone ~ My name is Julie, I'm a 55 yr.old out-to-pasture gypsy-type, living an hour north of San Francisco, just south of the nearest sprawl of a town, in a little house my friend/housemate & I call "the little house on the prairie". It's pretty much like that out here! We've named the shed out Shriek Shack (aka the Mad House) :lol: where we and our friend Lisa who comes to 'borrow' the shed, can cry out loud whenever one of us needs to. One of my big desires is to live on land with others who are learning & attempting to become loving towards everything God has created. It's been sorta disheartening for me, since beginning to learn Divine Truth 2 yrs.ago, to be feeling more & more of my errors, limitations, impatience!, overwhelming fear(s)... and the like, instead of ~ being on land with a handful of like~feeling friends who are on the path already!! ;)

I was raised mormon, the 10th of 12 children, and so didn't have room to (& was seriously discouraged from) thinking for myself. My mother was controlling & abusive to me both physically & verbally &I went to food for comfort, including shoplifting candy from like 9 yrs.old, since mom was guarding my food-intake; I gather I was desperate to have some say, some control. My older siblings teased me a bunch(.), especially about being chubby. At 18, desperate to be thin so I would be acceptable, admired, given 'positive' attention, be presentable, maybe liked... I became bullemic. At the same time, since I was away from home for the first time & wasn't forced to go to church, I realized I didn't want to go anymore. I went from being full-time mormon to being full-on bullemic. And that went on, including shoplifting food, several times a day, for many years.

I have been reading the intro's & various posts from folks here since the infancy of this forum, while not feeling to join-in, overwhelmed with emotion just to consider introducing myself. But shoot, I Love Divine Truth!! I Love Jesus & Mary, Corny & the others I don't know yet!! And I feel a lot of fondness & gratitude towards everyone who has participated in the seminars, interviews & assistance groups. Including, most definitely, folks who are struggling along The Way. Thank you so much! for helping me feel into my own struggles more truthfully by showing up with yours, in a public setting.

Another big piece of my life story, given my new understanding of God's creation of souls, that we have a soulmate... is around sexuality. I realized I was drawn to women, more than men, for intimacy when I was 20. I was elated!, feeling it was the first thing I knew to be true about me. The dogma of the church, no room to breathe & feel myself at home, & my mom's control, left me not really knowing myself, except for the bad stuff. This was the first good thing! I was so happy to be gay!! And then... before long I realized I was still attracted to men :? . It took some years to accept this, since I couldn't stand feeling like a straight woman. Being straight meant being submissive, giving giving giving, obedient to the man's authority since he was the link to God (that's what the mormon church teaches, that only men have access to God; So a woman has to listen to & obey her husband, the bishop, the prophet...). So now I know I'm not bisexual, but heck if I know whether my soul is gay, or straight!

Meanwhile... ;) I do long for union with my soulmate, while sensing I need to grow up a bunch! before I will (hopefully sooner than later) attract him, er her. Either one is fine with me! :) Come out, Come out, wherever you are.... Romeo ?? ... Juliette ??

Oh, another little something about me, I'm a goofhead! I really like to play, be silly, make stuff up on the spot... My friend Jen & I used to make up little romp-a-room ditties while walking down the sidewalk. My best friend from Jr. High & I would sing at the top of our vocal chord range (we were sopranos, with a'lota lung capacity!) all the way down the hallway, to & from classes.

Those are some happy memories; I'm grateful to have them!, and to have this chance to share them with y'all.

Thank You Nicky ~ you are an inspiration! I'm really moved by your clarity of presence & loving discernment here. Thank You for giving us the this gift!

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Nicky
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Re: Taking a leap of faith

Post by Nicky » Wed Oct 07, 2015 10:09 am

Hi Julie

Welcome to the forum. I really enjoyed reading your intro post, particularly the stuff about the shed you and your friend have - it's a really cool thing to have from a Divine Truth perspective :)

I think we definitely share a similar passion for Divine Truth, I love feeling it in other people!

Nice to meet you and I hope you benefit from your time here.

Nicky

LauraR
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Location: Los Angeles

Re: Taking a leap of faith

Post by LauraR » Wed Oct 07, 2015 4:43 pm

Hello Julie!
It is nice to meet you. You have expressed some of my feelings regarding Divine Truth, living off the land, finding friends that want to live respectfully on the earth.
I am in Southern California and have started to be as sustainable as I can be in the middle of the City - growing my own veggies, taking an online permaculture class, and studying Divine Truth. I think is has been about two years since I first heard AJ speak. It has been an interesting couple of years.

My best to you!

Laura

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julie_bennion
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Location: Santa Rosa, Ca. USA

Re: Taking a leap of faith

Post by julie_bennion » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:43 pm

Hi Nicky, It is great to feel each others love for God's Truth! It's funny what happened after I wrote my enthusiasm for it ~ it came to me (by way of loving spirit input, maybe?) that I forgot to say "I Love God!" Funny eh?, since Divine Truth Is Of and From God, but unfortunately I don't always Feel, that 'hidden' detail. ;)

And Hello Laura ~ I'd love to talk with you about our same/similar desires to live on & in harmony with! the land we have been given. I grew up in Studio City, just north of Hollywood, then lived in Santa Monica & Venice Beach in my 20's. The beach scene, sand & ocean, was great respite from the suburban, concreted land of my childhood. Where are you? (ringaling me if you feel to talk... we're even in the same time zone) :P

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