Matt from Colorado

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Matt Mondragon
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Matt from Colorado

Post by Matt Mondragon » Thu Dec 31, 2015 4:00 am

Hey everyone! Happy to find this forum!

I'm Matt from Denver, Colorado USA. I live in a suburb NorthWest of Denver and work at a Catholic High school, in the maintenance department. A little over two years ago I came across an interview conducted by Geoff Whitehead regarding Jesus and Mary's identity and was fascinated by the eloquent nature of Jesus and the quality of their engagement with Geoff—even though I felt very skeptical about his claim of being Jesus. I couldn't help but investigate further and that same evening I was blown away by what Jesus described—and seemed to certainly know —as "Faith" in the seminar Faith & Prayer held in May of 2013.

Raised in a Catholic community, I was conditioned and often felt compelled to use the word Faith only to defend my position regarding what cannot be seen, felt or heard—most of which I was completely uncertain of. By my early teens I felt I'd intellectually understood the theology of the church— but I often felt overwhelmed with curiosity because of the way I felt about God outside the walls of church. I started to feel like the world—and possibly the universe—was a kind of church.

In my late teens to mid-twenty's I was able to identify the law of attraction without really knowing what it was. I felt something was involved in the way I was seeing and sensing creatures, the wind, people—primarily the way my environment would react to the feelings and thoughts I had. This was incredible to me—as if life had a subtle language of its own and was attempting to communicate! I wanted to know how something like this could be. I felt it had to have been created. I wanted to believe it was God but at times I felt it was absolutely possible something else could be going on.

By my late twenties I moved to New York City to investigate the nature of these things further. I went with a bag of clothes and a guitar. I spent a lot of time reading and writing—mostly in areas of the city I felt drawn to. One night after work—at a restaurant job—I was unexpectedly approached by a teacher that I followed all the way to his train stop. It was pretty scary following a stranger around but he permitted it and I couldn't help it because the topics he spoke about were describing the same phenomena I'd experienced and also felt very attracted to. This was super helpful because I'd finally had an opportunity to know someone proposing other methods I could use to conduct more of my own subjective research. The bulk of what I learned was that I thought I knew myself far better than I actually did! The greatest tool that enabled this perpetual discovery of self was relaxation—or what Mary has described as a "softening". This natural love revelation prompted my personal study of holistic's and energy systems in and outside of the body. Around this time I met my partner and we soon became pregnant. Our city apartment felt cramped for a growing family like ours. By the time she was pregnant with our second child we we're packed tightly into our vehicle headed cross country and Colorado bound.

We've been here since 2012 and had much success in quickly settling in and buying our first home. Our two boys are amazing but one thing that often frightens me is further realizing the amount of addiction they're in with each other, myself, family members and teachers/nannys—at such an early age, 5 and 3. Although since Jesus & Mary have beautifully provided priceless insight into my own addictions, I have yet to develop the level of humility necessary to give them the guidance they deserve. Thankfully, these children currently serve as my teachers; guiding me into my own addictions, constantly!

My Faith is still weak but it's strong enough to know how insanely helpful prayer is during those moments I crave satisfaction.

I can't think of a time that God has failed me on this path but for some reason I feel there's still a chance. What a fear! I'm more aware than ever of the fact that I still have massive amounts of feelings to share with God, some from my end but honestly how much from God?! God's laws and what God's love has provided since discovering Divine Truth through Jesus, Mary, Cornelius and friends has caused a shift in my life that I don't feel I'm completely conscious of! Feels like I'm only packing for an amazing trip!

Like many of you, I'm guessing, I'm far from where I'd thought I'd be at this point on this path and I sometimes wonder if I've made any progress at all. I do feel very different about myself and more attracted to investigating personal pain but I sometimes wish it was easier and wonder whether or not it is fair that we inherit the sin of those who come before us. I want to know more of God's personality and I can feel it when I receive God's love but I often struggle with sustaining the desire for God's love when I'm prompted to feel what others have done to me. Whoa, lol!! There's some anger, better get to it...

I've briefly read through the forum and hope to spend some more time here soon. Thank you Nicky for keeping it tidy and I look forward to sharing in everyone's experience on this path!



My best,

Matt

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Nicky
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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Nicky » Thu Dec 31, 2015 12:50 pm

Hi Matt

Welcome to the forum. Loved reading your intro mate, very insightful.

I hope you find any time you spend here useful in your own progression on the path to God.

Nice to meet you and all the best.

Nicky

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Mike A.
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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Mike A. » Thu Dec 31, 2015 4:15 pm

Awesome post Matt! Looking forward to keeping up with your future progression. Sounds like you have a good handle on where you are at from a condition standpoint and what you need to feel in order to heal.

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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Rita R » Sun Jan 03, 2016 7:40 pm

Hi Matt,

There are a few people from Colorado on the forum. Maybe there’s a mini-movement going on here. Being close to so much wilderness I often feel it’s easy to connect with God in the mountains, or by the ocean but only occasionally on the open prairie for me.

As you said, “I felt about God outside the walls of church. I started to feel like the world—and possibly the universe—was a kind of church.”

It’s curious to me that you went to NYC to investigate the nature of things. I’d like to hear more about your choice to go there rather than a quiet mountain top, as is the cliched location for spiritual quests. :)

I also connect with what you experience with your kids. I feel like my son started me on the Divine Love Path 18 years ago, long before I new about Jesus and Mary’s return or had much to do with God. Once he was born I started seeing myself, my husband, our relationship and the world through this new baby’s wise, deep eyes. I was compelled to get myself cleaned up! It was shocking to me that my husband didn’t feel that way, nor did it seem that any other parents were ever moved to change themselves to match the purity of new life that had been given to them to care for. That sent me down the long road of first being angry with my parents and society and I’m still working my way toward full forgiveness.

As you are with your boys, I was and still am learning from my boy continuously. I rarely experience anyone else being on board with this, unfortunately, so I’m curious how it goes for you and the others you mentioned — family members and teachers/nannies. I found that once my son entered school, the socializing that occurs there (along with other factors occurring at the time) really clouded his innate wisdom and self-assurance.

If you feel like sharing more, I’d love to hear of your experience on these subjects. It sounds like you’ve retained a fair amount of sensitivity into your adulthood and that always piques my curiosity. I am more comfortable and trusting of my own sensitivity now but spent a lot of my life trying to “overcome it” because of the negative reactions of others plus being told that the world would eat me alive if I didn’t. That injury has motivated a lot of my choices in life so it is wonderful to find people who are actively honing and rediscovering their sensitive nature.

Nice to meet you. (oh and by the way, I am in Southern Colorado in the San Luis Valley.)

Rita R.

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Matt Mondragon
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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Matt Mondragon » Mon Jan 04, 2016 5:54 am

Glad to hear from you all, Nicky, Mike and Rita!
Rita R wrote:It’s curious to me that you went to NYC to investigate the nature of things. I’d like to hear more about your choice to go there rather than a quiet mountain top, as is the cliched location for spiritual quests.
Thank you Rita for asking! To clarify.

That was a time in my life when I desperately wanted to meet people who really wanted to know what was going on. Most of my friends and family made me feel like I was "playing with fire" for wanting to do anything other than make money and live comfortably. Being conscious of these very beautiful experiences I'd had, and unsure of whether or not I was crazy, I truly felt there were people out there having the same experiences. I wanted to meet these people hoping they were just as willing to talk about these subjects as I was. As a result, I felt very attracted to the overpopulated cities. I felt like more people would naturally present more opportunity to observe these things and assist me in validating these subjective concepts I'd absorbed.

NYC was amazing! For a month I'd literally jump on the train near where I was staying in Harlem, take it to a random stop and wander around. I was so inspired by the people and their culture and often went home satisfied and wondering. I met several seekers willing to discuss the possibilities of what we were experiencing in our awareness. The teacher I'd mentioned earlier was very blunt about knowledge. This was exactly what I was looking for. He gave me just enough information. I eventually got a little upset with him because I felt like he knew more than what he was giving me,which he did, but as time passed I came to see that his method inspired a great desire to receive more which ultimately led to me to AJ & Mary.

I did have an area in Central Park that I'd visit to seek the serenity you speak of. I'd observe geese and the way they'd react to my thoughts and feelings. I felt like their feedback was far more honest than what I was getting from people at the time. (Geese can be trusted!! lol.) To be honest, this was very helpful during some really emotional moments I didn't feel very connected to God; and the closest thing I knew to prayer at the time.
Rita R wrote:As you are with your boys, I was and still am learning from my boy continuously. I rarely experience anyone else being on board with this, unfortunately, so I’m curious how it goes for you and the others you mentioned — family members and teachers/nannies. I found that once my son entered school, the socializing that occurs there (along with other factors occurring at the time) really clouded his innate wisdom and self-assurance.
So true. If I'm sensitive enough to feel the feelings of my boys I can dive right into an issue. There are times when I'm surprised by the Law of Compensation and they start fighting over a toy. Sometimes it's difficult to see how badly I'm wanting some control over what ever it is I'm currently experiencing. I often confuse what I'd actually like to have control over with wanting to have control over the boys. I remember my parents doing this to me, when it was mostly their relationship and financial fears that caused them to project anger towards us for doing what they were doing! I still see my parents try to work this into their routine of discipline on my own children even though we've had conversations about their lack of self-reflection.

The way I describe it to my parents and others would seem very personal, but relative. I've gotten to the point where it doesn't feel very scary or awkward anymore describing to others that children are always responding to the feelings of the adults around them because their little hearts are always open and feeling everything nearby, like we should. Some people start to feel angry about this knowledge but I don't feel very attracted to their anger and if needed, I'll remove my boys from that environment and let the adult know why I feel it's unfair to the child and myself.

I also talk about love with the boys daily. We talk about God and how God's feelings feel to encourage prayer. We talk about our feelings and how it's okay to have all of our feelings but also why it's not okay to use our feelings as a weapon to hurt others. I help them to understand that it's okay to not play with someone who is using their feelings to hurt them. I encourage them to talk to dad about which adults are using their feelings as a weapon. I encourage them to tell me when they're feeling icky feelings from myself. They're getting into the habit! They've actually been doing this with most of our care takers and teachers. This doesn't go very well with my dad but he has improved dramatically! We don't leave them with my dad btw.

I do feel it's so important to deal with our desire to control others before we can have an informative conversation with someone regarding their own personal feelings and how it's affecting the children in their environment. I tried having this conversation with my father when I hadn't yet dealt with a lot of my anger with him and he shut down or got angry every time. I was attracted to his anger and I'd send it right back at him. Very messy and a waste of time. I could feel I was violating the law of Free Will during these times times but I wanted to get through to him so badly! We're at a different point now and I'm starting to connect with his heart more often. This is helping me to understand where I'm at as a father although I made a lot of progress without a very strong connection with him.


Off to bed! Thanks for writing Rita!


Matt

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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Rita R » Thu Jan 07, 2016 9:37 pm

Hi Matt,

Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions! I enjoyed the bigger story behind your initial post and I look forward to experimenting with the geese who frequent a lake near my home where I walk :) Because of your post, I remembered to notice the change in "my" cats' (not really mine but the cats who live with me) behavior these last few days as I've been feeling through an issue that came up elsewhere on the forum. I don't know exactly the cause/effect of their behavior, just that it changed as my feelings shifted. Another good signpost for understanding my soul and how everything around me responds, one way or another.

Best,
Rita

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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Anita » Fri Jan 08, 2016 8:51 am

Matt and Rita thank you so much for your conversation here.
It makes me see, how detuned and cut off I have been with my children.
I feel it is lots in here that I benefit from and thank you again!

Love
Anita
Anita Tännström

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Re: Matt from Colorado

Post by Rita » Fri Jan 08, 2016 10:19 pm

Hi Rita R and Matt.
Wow thank you. Deep deep thank you. Am so touched by it all. And by the way you describe it so clearly. I have new insights and am learning.

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