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Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2016 8:11 pm
by Angie G
Hey everyone!
As I read thru all the introductions, I realize that I didn't share much about myself, mainly out of my fear of "acceptance" (which has always been a HUGE one for me) among other fears. I realize now that it was unloving of me not to share who I am and how I became to the Divine Love Path.

My birth parents were just lovers and never planned on me. I guess that makes me a "love" child. My birth father was a truck driver who had a woman in every city. My birth mother was not able to take care of me soon after my birth so she went home to her mother and ended up leaving me there. My grandfather, who had a bad drinking problem, became worse so I went to a young couple in town. Upon hearing of this, my birth father arrived on a bus, picked me up and took me to his older brother and wife, who had a young son. So by the time I was 9-10 months old I was adopted into that family. My new mother had become quite religious in her young adulthood so I was raised LDS (Mormon). I never really "felt the spirit" and had many emotional issues. My adopted father was a drinker/smoker and didn't take to the teachings of the church and I can remember being so jealous that he didn't have to go to church every Sunday!

I began drinking and smoking in junior high and ran away from home the first time when I was 14. My adopted father left us when I was 11 and for 3 years claimed he was coming back (something about his "work" keeping him away from us). When the truth of the divorce came out, I was out of there!! I felt no love from my mother who only judged me, nor my older brother who never really accepted me into the family and would go out of his way to hurt me. So thus I spent some years on the street and how I survived is only a miracle!! Even after becoming an adult, I spent my life "running" from my grief and pain, I would move, change men, change drugs, you name it and I did it!! I wanted as far away from those feelings and from "GOD" because I was taught that I was being watched and everything was being written down, good or bad.

My first born was given up to his father because he was a bully and because I was so messed up!! My heart broke and I entered the darkest times of my life, almost dying several times because I treated myself so badly. After emerging from this hell (barely) I ventured on and became pregnant again at 31, 36 and 38 years of age. These children were never given up but have been thru hell themselves. At age 38, while pregnant with my only daughter, I was finally beaten down, coming to realize how much my "self-reliance" was killing me and surrendered! I entered into a substance abuse rehab and felt GOD for the first time in my life. I was spiritually dead until this point. I was able to stay away from substances for almost 6 years. I rejoined the church and even went to the Denver Temple many times. I used my willpower to be as good and as pure as I was taught to be. I even ended up marrying & divorcing two Mormon men. I was able to feel the spirit a few times, but I still felt out of place. So after the divorce of the 2nd one, I again turned to substances and I also turned away from the church and it's teachings. It was 2005 when I walked away. For the next 7 years I wallowed in my hurt and anger. In 2012, I returned to the 12 step recovery program. This time with a new vigor and truly seeking a spiritual path.

In Dec. of 2013, my awesome boyfriend sent me a YouTube link to a video about what happens when you die. His former wife had died and he was searching YouTube about the other "side". He also shared that the man was claiming to be Jesus reincarnated. I had never heard of such a thing! Now I HAD to watch it for this reason alone. I truly expected some crazy man! Needless to say, I was hooked! My first joy was in finding out that if I did go to hell (as I was always taught) that I didn't have to STAY there!! I was on a 2 week break from work and I spent the entire time watching more and more videos. I never did go to the Introduction playlist but I never was one for doing things "normally". I didn't care if he really was Jesus or not, everything he said made sense! And if he WAS Jesus, he was the kind of man I would hope him to be; loving and truthful! (I think presently I am afraid to admit whether I believe or not). That's when I started trying to apply the principles of Divine Truth in my life. I so want to heal myself and my kids from the damage I have caused them while in my substance abuse. Of course I now realize how much damage I have done even beyond that!! I also thought I'd be healed in a short amount of time!! :lol: I have been frustrated at times because I really thought my progression would go quick (instant gratification at work). I have been reviewing videos and plan to continue as repetition is much needed in my case. I am now 54 years old and I so wish I had this knowledge at a much younger age but since I can't turn back the clock, I will proceed the best I can! I have felt God's love a few times and I have also felt my blockage to it and how I don't feel I deserve it.

I am so thankful for being led to Divine Truth!

If you have read this far, thank you SO much for letting me share myself with you.
Much love,

Re: Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 7:39 am
by Phoebe Bruce
Hi Angie,

Nice to meet you.

This post feels much more sincere than your first intro and it just reminded me how different it feels when we allow ourselves to be known. Its a softer place, hey, and much more inviting of others. Thanks.

All the best,

Re: Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 12:14 pm
by Eva
Hi Angie,
Thanks for sharing and I am glad to get to know you!

Re: Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2016 3:32 pm
by Nicky
Hi Angie

Thanks for re-introducing yourself and sharing the details of your life journey up until this point in some detail as I feel it gives everyone a great opportunity to understand/get to know you better (as you eluded to at the start!)


Re: Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2016 2:52 am
by julie_bennion
Hi Angie ~
It's great that you chose to share more with us. I appreciate getting to know more about you & your life.

We have some similar experience, with abuse beginning at an early age, and then continuing through teen & adult years, by our using substances to cover over feelings (except instant gratification pleasure-feelings). Learning to be a responsible adult has not been in the foreground, with survival & addiction habits being the main deal. I too have much to repent for.
I can also so relate to thinking I would experience healing right away, once I started feeling what's true inside, for the same reason ~ to satisfy my "give it to me now" addiction.

I sincerely hope we will each continue to open to the process. We have such immense support from God, from Jesus & Mary, Nicky, Eloisa & Lena, all the people who attended seminars & assistance groups, and there's endless opportunity to learn through everyone's interactions right here.

I'm just so grateful to be here. This forum community is a real Godsend!

Re: Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Tue Jan 12, 2016 4:13 am
by Angie G
I appreciate all the replies and I look forward to continuing the process!!

Much love and admiration!

Re: Let me RE-introduce myself

Posted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 1:08 am
by Vivi
Hi Angie,

It's nice to read a sincere intro. I should have read yours before I wrote mine. I also see that you seem very brave. I remember wanting to run away from home as a kid, I packed everything. It was night and my dad worked at his own bar and would come home in the middle of the night. He scared me even more about running away from home and being homeless. I sometimes wish I had been brave enough to grow up on my own, to leave home and face my fears.

But I know now after listening DT that, true courage is to really own and experience our emotions. Now I'm trying to become more brave this way. :lol:

Nice to meet you.
Also, hello from the colorful state too. :D