Hello from mike

[c.mike]

Hello everyone,

Sorry I didn't introduce myself sooner, it's been a long 3.5 year winter and just starting to feel spring around the corner. I've been in hiding more this last 3.5 years, but most of all my life. My wife had an affair that ended our 28 years together. In reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, I didn't realize the amount of shame I was avoiding and holding onto, which explains the many attempted suicides.

I just turned 50, live in Canada, grew up in a typical abusive family, beatings, children are to be seen and not heard, I'll give you something to cry about, wait till your father gets home. So I've been fighting authority figures all my life. I have 4 children - 3 boys and 1 daughter. My daughter is watching/listening to Jesus and Mary videos. I haven't spoken to my dad in 35 years and my relationship with my mom is so-so. One younger brother, one older brother.

Reading Dr. Wayne Dryer books lead me to ACIM (a course in miracles), which got me meditating, which lead me to Jesus video on Secrets of the Universe 3 years ago. Before those videos I would of said I had no fear, shame and spoke the truth most of the time. Today to see I was lying almost always, had lots of fears and huge shame.

Thanks for the opportunity to share myself.

[Nicky]

Hi there Mike

Thanks for introducing yourself as I know you have been on the forum intermittently over time and it's great to get to hear a bit more about your story up to this point.

You said:

wait till your father gets home

I received this particular line from my Mum a lot too so know it well.

Anyway, hope you are finding your time here useful.

Cheers
Nicky

[Allegedly Dom]

Thanks for sharing and being so open Mike.

Yeah that "Wait til' your Father gets home" line rung some bells when you mentioned it and how it connects to problems with authority figures. I can definitely see the connection to my fears of judicial punishment and resentment towards people in power/controlling type positions. Never occurred to me where it might have come from til' I read that in your post. I'll have to feel about that a bit more.

Thanks again and welcome to the forum!