Hello from Sydney
Posted: Mon Feb 01, 2016 4:18 pm
Dear all,
I am Eloisa, 58 years old and live in Sydney and only now got the courage to post about my feelings and thoughts on this forum, I was waiting to be in a better condition before introducing myself. No need to say that it is related to an addiction of mine, in which I seek for approval from people. I thought I could not handle to receive feedback because I certainly would take it as judgment and punishment, however now I realized and felt in my heart that God doesn’t judge or punish us thus I am here to grow in love and open to receive feedback. Although I still have fear about it I will write here anyway. I am starting to realize that I don’t need to show people through my facade that I am a good woman anymore, in reality I am sick of controlling people and environment in order to strongly resist emotional pain. I really feel disgusted with my facade and addictions that I am aware of at this stage in my life since I embraced DT into my life 3 years ago.
I also found out that when I feel remorse for my sins my prayer feels real in me or when I cry in grief I can feel God’s love entering me, it is like the error in a particular topic leaving my soul giving more room for love to enter. One of my friends from the spirit world, Abraham, said once “Love is poetic” “Each tear will be replaced with love provide tear is sincere” he said this two years ago and only now I can feel the truth in it.
Being sincere without fear bring me closer to God and being close to him is the only thing I really want to prioritize and the next person I want to be close to is my soulmate Gilberto who currently lives in the spirit world since passed away forty years ago. I am so happy about meeting him again in 2014, my sweetheart, we are in a relationship for the first time in our lives, and it is so cool!
I thought about telling you my story on the abusive environment where I grew up as a child but I gave up on this idea because it doesn’t matter anymore, what really matter now to me is that I will be able to heal all those hurting emotions permanently and one day be able to forgive all people that hurt me in the past, really forgive them inside my heart. This is going to be so beautiful, to get to the point of remembering about the traumatic event and yet not having the pain associated to it. The remembrance would be like looking at a scar as just a mark on the skin that doesn’t hurt anymore.
I am not longer waiting for my parents’ repentance in order for me to forgive them, I am the one who needs to repent for my sins. On the other side I started to feel compassion for my parents since they are God’s children that were harmed as well. My mother in return started to feel this little change in me and she even started to call from overseas which she never did before. God has helped me with my emotions immensely and will continue to do so, to me the beauty of this process is, I started to feel no longer a need for my earth mother’s love, which I angrily had desired in the past. Feeling the truth that my mother is a free person in God’s eyes has helped me to free myself from resentment and feeling love from my real parents is awesome!
I want to thank the forum’s team and J&M for this gift of love to all of us.
Eloisa
I am Eloisa, 58 years old and live in Sydney and only now got the courage to post about my feelings and thoughts on this forum, I was waiting to be in a better condition before introducing myself. No need to say that it is related to an addiction of mine, in which I seek for approval from people. I thought I could not handle to receive feedback because I certainly would take it as judgment and punishment, however now I realized and felt in my heart that God doesn’t judge or punish us thus I am here to grow in love and open to receive feedback. Although I still have fear about it I will write here anyway. I am starting to realize that I don’t need to show people through my facade that I am a good woman anymore, in reality I am sick of controlling people and environment in order to strongly resist emotional pain. I really feel disgusted with my facade and addictions that I am aware of at this stage in my life since I embraced DT into my life 3 years ago.
I also found out that when I feel remorse for my sins my prayer feels real in me or when I cry in grief I can feel God’s love entering me, it is like the error in a particular topic leaving my soul giving more room for love to enter. One of my friends from the spirit world, Abraham, said once “Love is poetic” “Each tear will be replaced with love provide tear is sincere” he said this two years ago and only now I can feel the truth in it.
Being sincere without fear bring me closer to God and being close to him is the only thing I really want to prioritize and the next person I want to be close to is my soulmate Gilberto who currently lives in the spirit world since passed away forty years ago. I am so happy about meeting him again in 2014, my sweetheart, we are in a relationship for the first time in our lives, and it is so cool!
I thought about telling you my story on the abusive environment where I grew up as a child but I gave up on this idea because it doesn’t matter anymore, what really matter now to me is that I will be able to heal all those hurting emotions permanently and one day be able to forgive all people that hurt me in the past, really forgive them inside my heart. This is going to be so beautiful, to get to the point of remembering about the traumatic event and yet not having the pain associated to it. The remembrance would be like looking at a scar as just a mark on the skin that doesn’t hurt anymore.
I am not longer waiting for my parents’ repentance in order for me to forgive them, I am the one who needs to repent for my sins. On the other side I started to feel compassion for my parents since they are God’s children that were harmed as well. My mother in return started to feel this little change in me and she even started to call from overseas which she never did before. God has helped me with my emotions immensely and will continue to do so, to me the beauty of this process is, I started to feel no longer a need for my earth mother’s love, which I angrily had desired in the past. Feeling the truth that my mother is a free person in God’s eyes has helped me to free myself from resentment and feeling love from my real parents is awesome!
I want to thank the forum’s team and J&M for this gift of love to all of us.
Eloisa