Hello from ??

[Katherine]

I'm grateful I was pointed to this forum. I've already read through a whole thread on soul-mate rejection that brought up lots of important points for me.

My name is Katherine and I'm from the Northeast USA...Philadelphia, New Jersey, Rhode Islamd, DC...I moved around a lot when I was young so it's hard to say where I'm "from". I've never really had a strong sense of home.

I lived in Colorado for about five years. A little over two years ago I met the man I believe is my soulmate. After a brief but intense courtship, he broke it off and imeadiately took up with another woman. Shortly thereafter we got back together and he introduced me to a couple who first introduced me to Divine Truth. These two people have been incredible allies and truthful guides. Unfortunately, Ive often resisted the truth they've revealed to me.

Over the past two years my partner and I have moved back and forth across the country, split up again (with him again going immeadiately to another woman) and gotten back together. We got engaged last year and decided to have a baby. After some really volatile incidents which included violence and peaked with me spending a night in jail, I left him. I ended up giving into my fears and my family's projections and having an abortion. I left the country for a few months and when I came back my partner and I got back together but had to spend the last two months in separate parts of the country. Now we are two weeks out from me moving to live with him and he has told me he "doesnt feel it" and isnt sure we are soulmates. He's gone back and forth on that for a long time, though I've felt sure.

I'm currently in a state of desperation, still frantically trying to convince this man that we can overcome our past and that we are soulmates. I'm seeing my addictions very clearly and am having an intense physical reaction to all of this. I know- at least intellectually- that I am avoiding great big emotions and lots of fear. Otherwise I wouldnt be so set on forcing my own way in this matter.

I have seen progress in a lot of aspects of my life through divine truth. I am two years free of drugs and alcohol and have spent time working through a number of material and emotional addictions. Yet somehow it seems that no matter how much I intellectually accept about the soulmate process, I am very resistant to engaging it. I have felt suicidal and hopeless at times and I can never seem to release the idea of us togeher. Even when I imagine leaving him and spending time healing my wounds, I feel a hope that it will pull him back into my life.

I recognize that Ive placed a lot of demands on people in my life, especially my partner. I have deeply strugged with my faith and have made many many decisions based on fear-- not the least of which being my abortion. I pray and pray but I feel like there are major blocks to having a sincere desire for God and for my soulmate. I read Mary's post in response to a thread here that spoke about women who demand control and end up rejecting their soulmate through judgements and repelling them with demands. It rings very true.

I see a deep resistance within me to just GIVING without expectation. I dont know how to overcome this self centeredness and home into harmony with love. As I said, it feels like everything makes sense when I hear it, yet its hard to put into practice. Im also very apt to being manipulated by my partner using divine truth principles and often try to fit his image of what a soulmate relationship should be.

Making decisions, facing uncertainty and being unsure of my true desires are massive themes for me. I am in my late twenties and have spent a great deal of time lately going over my past and assessing whether ive made the right decisions. I pray to see my desires clearly, but I get pulled in so many directions and have a hard time discerning what are passions and desires and what are opportunities that fulfill my addictions.

Im grappling now with how to proceed...how to take action out of love and not fear. I have an urge to "fix" things and to plan my next move...with or without my partner, but I'm absolutely terrified of moving in any direction because of what may result. I just want to see the truth, but I keep expecting it to be shown to me externally. Its very hard for me to tell what is my intuition and what is fear or spirit influence.

Thank you Nicky for creating this space of engagement and inquiry and thank you to everyone for sharing their experiences and insights honestly. I have seen these principles in action in my life and have developed ome faith in them through experience. I just hope that I can continue to develop humility, courage and will to feel and engage this process and grow closer to God.

Katherine

[Nicky]

Hi Katherine

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can gain from your time here - it's great that you have already been reading and digesting posts here that are helping you see more things that you might not have necessarily been seeing before.

Nice to meet you.

Nicky