Nice to meet you!

[Elise]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading the threads on this forum for a while and felt like it was a good idea to stop being anonymous! My name's Elise, I am Dutch and born in 1988, making me (now) 27 years old. In 2014/2015 I was backpacking through Australia and was introduced to the basics of Divine Truth in July last year by someone who ended up being my partner! I was intrigued by first learning about these teachings. It somehow just felt right, and almost as if I had known this before. However, I thought I could just do this 'on the side', rather than radically changing my life - I was (and am) stuck in a lot of addictions.

I think I first started trying to apply Divine Truth principles in my every day life in September. I was out of body most of the time, stuck in this dream world - and it took quite a bit of work to stay present. Such a major addiction of mine; and basically trying to avoid feeling anything. Having been used to suppressing my emotions for a long time, I felt really numb and frustrated in the beginning, I just couldn't feel much. However, I have always found it easy to cry, but have since learnt that these are tears either a way of manipulating people, or because it was the only way that was acceptable for me to vent my anger. I am a lot more aware of this now, which is definitely helping. I have also given up meat and dairy, and I am definitely noticing how much more sensitive to my feelings it makes me!

The relationship with my family back in the Netherlands is very strong and tight knit, something I have always valued very much, but is bringing up a lot of fear of disapproval of what I am doing and pursuing. I have told them about Divine Truth, and although they very much appear to be understanding, I can tell that they are quite skeptical.
My mum, even though she has worked very hard on bettering herself (through new age/meditating/yoga), has a lot of fear and was quite controlling when I was a kid (and still is to a certain degree, although I am much more aware of it now). I can talk to her about emotions, but it is all very much from an intellectual/analytical perspective. My dad on the other hand, refuses to acknowledge that he has any emotional depth at all, and consequently lives (heavily) in multiple addictions. Quite recently he had a major Law of Attraction event happening, and has had a really bad accident - but is still refusing to go into anything whatsoever. This brings up a lot of helplessness for me, as I would love to help him - but he will not let me. I therefore have to come to terms with that the next LoA event will potentially be fatal.
Unfortunately I have many fears of my own, both passed down and due to certain events. I have only just begun to trying to work through that. Over the last couple of weeks a lot of terror has come up for me (relating to spirits and a terror of being watched), and even though I was terrified and thought I would drown in it, I have come out the other end a little bit better. I do not kid myself though: I still have masses to work through.

I still have issues surrounding God. I pray daily and would very much like to know God, but I feel like I haven't been very successful thus far. Even though I have been acquainted with religion from an early age, there was always a lot of skepticism: "only fools believe in God". When I am not feeling too great, this can really bother me. I also struggle with handing over my self reliance and it really shows me my lack of faith. There are times though, when I do feel the power of prayer and my faith is definitely building. I would very much like to reach a point in the near future where my belief in God doesn't waver anymore!

Anyway, this introduction is quite a bit longer than I intended it to be, and I am not entirely sure whether it is coherent enough. I am looking forward to learning and growing, and hopefully this forum can be a tool in that process. Thanks Nicky, for creating and moderating this platform - and to Lena and Eloisa for all their input as well!

Cheers, Elise

[Anita]

Hi Elise, nice to meet you and welcome to the forum.

Anita

[Nicky]

Hi Elise

Welcome to the forum. It's awesome to see that you have chosen to register and get more involved with things! I hope as a result, you find the time you spend here useful in your development.

Nice to meet you

Nicky

[Elise]

Thanks guys!