Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

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LisaQ
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Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by LisaQ » Fri Sep 25, 2015 5:58 pm

I'm noticing how when I let myself feel about my soulmate (who's basically rejected me for the 4th time now in the past 2 years), I seem to struggle with really getting into the deep grief. I keep skipping over it, and get distracted into some other easier emotion to feel.

Has anyone had this experience of being rejected by their soulmate, and had success in processing through this very deep pain?

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Alkhemst » Sun Sep 27, 2015 1:30 am

LisaQ wrote:I'm noticing how when I let myself feel about my soulmate (who's basically rejected me for the 4th time now in the past 2 years), I seem to struggle with really getting into the deep grief. I keep skipping over it, and get distracted into some other easier emotion to feel.

Has anyone had this experience of being rejected by their soulmate, and had success in processing through this very deep pain?
I cant tell you about any experience Ive had processing soulmate rejection, but Ive felt things around it and have realised I'm deluding myself. So I suspect there might be something like that going on here too.

In my opinion the pain of rejection by him or her isn't what caused the grief because grief is mostly caused before we've had any real awareness of even having a soulmate. So it was caused by someone else and at a far earlier time, mostly one or both parents. So it means that pain you're talking about is from a belief that no one is supposed to reject you, because if you believed otherwise, there would be no pain around these 4 events. The fact you believe this means that around those times you felt rejected you had a demand going out that you must not be rejected, that's going to feel quite heavy on the receiver of that, so I'd say it might have contributed alot to what occurred.

Once you've got into the earlier and real pain that's causing you to feel rejected, you'll probably find you will no longer believe you should be accepted no matter what, the demand will go and it would be much more likely your soulmate would be receptive to you.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Nicky » Sun Sep 27, 2015 8:56 am

Hi Lisa

I feel the question you have asked may be of benefit to a number of the people here (mostly, the women).

Firstly, I feel we should be more truthful with what is actually going on here. From what it seems, it appears you feel almost certain that the person you are referring to is actually your soul-mate. I'd like to suggest that what I feel is happening here is that you "think" you know who they are rather than having God's Truth on the identity of your soul mate and I feel this is almost distracting you from your own emotions. I am not saying they're not your soul-mate, but the truth is that until you have have received God's Truth on the matter, you really don't know, particularly when you have a number of emotional injuries that skew the accuracy of your feelings.

The reason why you seem to be struggling getting into the real grief about a perceived rejection from who you believe your soul-mate to be (at this moment in time) is because you actually have a number of addictions covering over the grief that is within you (likely coming from a childhood related event where you felt rejected) and you are attempting to skip over the layers of addiction and into the grief. This will never work actually and if you have managed to squeeze a few tears out, I'd probably suggest that those tears were coming from facade and were out of a tantrum of not getting what you wanted.

In your question, I feel you are in facade and deluding yourself to the truth of what is actually going on. I can feel the demand and expectation you are projecting at this person whom you feel to be your soul-mate. It feels as though your soul is basically saying ""how dare they reject me - they should be with me." The truth is that this person is entirely in the rights of free will to not want to be with you, particularly when feeling this demand coming out of you towards them that they should be with you - which of course would be repelling them if they were your soul mate. I feel there is some anger that you are skipping over here (rather than the grief you mentioned you felt you were skipping over).
Has anyone had this experience of being rejected by their soulmate, and had success in processing through this very deep pain?
I feel that the "very deep pain" you are referring to (as I've highlighted in bold above) is actually the "pain" or tantrum of you not getting your addiction met, and is not the real, deep grief that you truly feel in your soul about a previous childhood event.

Hope that helps.

Nicky.


**As a note - I've decided to move this thread to the "Soul-Mate Relationship" forum category.

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Amanda Stracey
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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Amanda Stracey » Sun Sep 27, 2015 1:42 pm

Hi Lisa

Just in case you haven't seen it here is a link to a thread where partner or potential soulmate attraction was being discussed and Mary gives feedback/information on how demands and expectations from women are out of harmony with love, in fact how we feel we are entitled to feel like that - that it's normal and ok.

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=342

Also here is an extract of a comment Mary made on her blog some time ago which you can find in full in the comments section here: http://mary.divinetruth.com/2013/03/03/ ... /#comments


"In fact, I see that you are far more the way that I have been, especially when I first met AJ i.e. you believe that you are alright and if your soulmate would only change and want you and life on your terms, then things would be OK.

You are overlooking what heavy judgements you have towards this man! This is really repelling for him – and will be especially so if he is the other half of your soul (since it is the other half of himself, who he is naturally more sensitive to, sending the message that he isn’t good enough). This man is already feeling so many demands from his environment and childhood that he feels smothered and just wants to escape in any way possible (his lifestyle demonstrates this). Your projections add to these feelings since they are in fact giving him a list of things he needs to live up to.

Whether you realise it or not, your projections at him are intense and you have very many holes within yourself that you would like him to fill rather than you heal them for yourself. If you took initiative in your development to see your own arrogance and deal with your demands and neediness with males you would have something to OFFER your soulmate – (rather than the current list of demands and roles you would like him to fulfil for you). This more loving state would be very ATTRACTIVE to your other half.

As I said, in this way you are very much like ME when AJ and I first met. You are also like the women in the stories at the beginning of this post – they are offered gifts and reject them because these gifts don’t not meet their emotional addictions.

God’s creation of the other half of our soul is a GIFT to us. When we judge their current emotional condition as problematic we demonstrate a rejection not only of them, (which is in reality the other half of us), but also a severe lack of compassion for the pain they have suffered during their life on earth. Through this very act of judgement we demonstrate that our attitude and feelings towards them are driven by what we want to GET from them, rather than desiring to love them and know them regardless of how they feel about us.

When we have a pure feeling for our soulmate we wish to love them no matter what their situation or projections towards us. We view them as gifts, and treat them as the treasured other half of our soul (not someone we wish would smarten up and start ‘loving’ us) – we feel this way no matter what their condition. You don’t feel this way about your soulmate which signals that you have healing to do in order to attract your soulmate into your life.

This gift of unconditional love and acceptance that AJ has constantly offered me since our meeting has been life changing. He was personally humble to his pain about my judgements and rejection of him and was therefore still able to display love towards me. This takes a very spiritually evolved guy. The guy that you have your eye on still has more wounds than AJ did when we met and so it is natural that he feels repelled by you while you hold onto demand and judgments of him (if you feel about it – even your comment here reveals your judgements of him).

I point this out publicly because I see this reflected in many women I know (and so feel this message may benefit more than just you). There seems to be a common conception among these women that if only they could find a lovely, self-aware, spiritual guy (the implication is – someone just like themselves) then all of their relationship woes would be over. This attitude is some serious lack of regard for how their personal emotional and spiritual condition is actually REPELLING men from their lives.

Someone actually said to me recently that they wouldn’t mind having a soulmate if it their soulmate was AJ/ someone like AJ. This statement reveals many things but key among them is the feeling that life would be a breeze if their soulmate was spiritually aware and loving. The truth is more likely to be that these women would react just like I did if they attracted a loving man into their lives i.e. they would find it difficult to even RECOGNISE these qualities, they would judge the man and reject him, because their REAL desire is to have their addictions met, or at the very least for their addictions to remain unchallenged.

What I see are many, many women who are arrogantly making assumptions about their level of spiritual development, and feeling impatient and judgmental towards men. Many of the things I see these women judging in men are actually good qualities that the men already have and the women would benefit from developing. Equally many of the qualities I see women being proud of in themselves are actually injuries in love that will need to be healed if they are to grow closer to God and their mate.

For example I see some of these women telling themselves that they are an independent woman who can create on her own. They are proud of their ‘development’ in this area.

And indeed there is no doubt that God desires all of His children to take responsibility for themselves, to not rely on others for their sense of worth or security, and to confidently create in their passions.

However I don’t see that level of development in most of these women. If I did I would observe a women who is RELAXED, friendly, confident, creating freely and abundantly, who is open to change, and to others.

Instead I see women who are very addicted to CONTROL (which is actually living in fear) and comfort. They have built lives so rigid that there is literally no room for a man’s self-expression. Everything must be on the woman’s terms – otherwise he is ‘taking over’ and stifling her. A guy doesn’t get an emotional or physical look in.

In reality when two halves of a soul come together they desire the expression and experience of the other AS MUCH AS they desire their own. They want to give to their mate, to learn from them, to know them. They recognise the expression of the other half of themselves as precious and a potential way to learn more about themselves and their pure personality.

Marina, in sincerity and respect I don’t see this attitude reflected in you, so I cannot agree that you are like AJ in any way regarding soulmate issues.

It is only when you (or your other half) begin to develop more pure feelings about soulmates that he will be attracted into your life. This requires sincere self-reflection and a dedication to humility. It can become a type of laziness and avoidance to simply stay in the belief that ‘oh well, I’m ready for him once he sorts himself out’ (that is the feeling I felt from you in Dallas and again in this comment). The reality is that as your soul becomes more loving and accepting of your soulmate he WILL be attracted into your life – no matter what his condition.

Anyway my sister, as my soulmate often says ‘it is the things we don’t see about ourselves that are the hardest to heal’. Hopefully my speaking up on this issue gives you the opportunity to reflect upon some of the things you aren’t seeing in yourself, especially the demands and expectations you place on the men in your life.

With my love,
Your sister,
Mary

p.s. Please excuse my use of capitals here – this is the only way I can emphasise words in the comments section.

Also, I wish to be clear that I am not in this response to Marina implying that women have all the work to do when it comes to soulmate relationships!! Regardless of our gender, until we are at-one with God we will have injuries to heal regarding our soulmate relationship and our self-concept (which impacts on how we relate to our soul mate). This includes my soulmate at this present time.

However I have been very direct and specific here about a pattern of injuries I see in MANY women that I come into contact with.

I do believe this feedback is relevant to Marina and by posting publicly I am hopefully providing some food for self-reflection on the part of others who may not be attracting their soul mates into their lives.

M"

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Marina Smargiannakis » Mon Sep 28, 2015 11:37 pm

Hi Amanda,

Thank you for this post, I am glad you've brought this up. It's a blessing to see again. I have not improved at all since Mary wrote this to me.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by LisaQ » Tue Sep 29, 2015 2:20 am

Hi David, Nicky, and Amanda,

David & Nicky, thank you for your loving and truthful feedback regarding my question. Nicky, your feedback especially hit me deeply and began to expose in myself the beginning awareness of this demand that both yourself and David alluded to in your comments.

In the past 2 days, I've begun to come from a complete denial on this issue to a budding awareness of the sin of my behavior towards this man who I feel may be my soul mate. I've begun to feel how unloving I've been towards him through this (before completely unconscious) projection at him that he NOT reject me. In fact, I've reflected on how I've continued to post comments on a google doc that he & I shared, even though he's clearly demonstrated that he doesn't want to communicate with me. This has been unloving and even harassing of him. Yuck; this behavior I'm starting to see in myself feels really pretty horrible.

I think there's likely (as both of you pointed out) some pretty deep pain from my earlier years (my dad committed suicide when I was 5) that I haven't yet wanted to feel. Or possibly I feel entitled to demand non-rejecting treatment from my male partner (and maybe men in general) because of losing my father so young. This points to the anger that Nicky mentioned which I at this point have barely touched into.

Amanda, thank you for sharing Mary's comments on this exact issue: I hadn't seen that post before and it felt very relevant to my situation and current emotional condition around male partnership.

At this point, I'm not yet willing to feel the cause of my unloving behavior, but I'm at least beginning to feel the sin of it and its impact on this man (and other men).

Nicky, I wanted to ask clarification on this comment you made: [I'd like to suggest that what I feel is happening here is that you "think" you know who they are rather than having God's Truth on the identity of your soul mate and I feel this is almost distracting you from your own emotions.]

Would you be open to elaborating on how my 'thinking' I know this man is my soul mate is distracting me from my own emotions?

Thank you again to each of you for your assistance,
Lisa

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Nicky » Tue Sep 29, 2015 8:17 am

Hi Lisa

You wrote:
LisaQ wrote:Nicky, I wanted to ask clarification on this comment you made: [I'd like to suggest that what I feel is happening here is that you "think" you know who they are rather than having God's Truth on the identity of your soul mate and I feel this is almost distracting you from your own emotions.]

Would you be open to elaborating on how my 'thinking' I know this man is my soul mate is distracting me from my own emotions?
With regards to the above question, I have almost obsessed at times intellectually about a girl who I thought was my soul-mate and this completely distracted me from my own emotional processing. I realised by doing this, I was distracting myself and my soul was just projecting total neediness towards her (whether she was my soul mate or not) and I wasn't focusing on the core emotional injuries relating predominantly towards the relationship with my mother that has blocked this connection.

A lot of my time was spent intellectually fantasising about this girl being my soul-mate actually rather than following and being humble to the process that Jesus & Mary have taught. If we really want to be with our soul-mate, we must first learn about ourselves and who we are. Of course this makes complete logical sense as our soul-mate is the other half of us and also, how else would we recognise them and their personality as matching ours otherwise.

There are three areas we can develop in which will pull our soul-mate into our lives automatically:

1) Growing in Love and receiving more of God's Love
2) Facing personal Truth with humility
3) Acting on our passions and desires

By doing the three things listed above, we will naturally become more attractive to our soul-mate who will be drawn to us.

To give you more context and a personal example of this, I am not with my soul-mate yet but have total faith in the process and am now engaging it as best as I can. Since engaging the process more, learning about myself and acting on some of my desires, I have more easily managed to get into some grief about my relationship with my mum and interactions with women. I now don't feel this girl is actually my soul-mate and it was more than likely a spirit or bunch of spirits messing with me due to me engaged in addiction. Of course I now fully realise that all the intellectual fantasising about who I thought was my soul mate was a waste of time and that's why I was desirous to offer you some assistance.

Cheers

Nicky

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by LisaQ » Wed Sep 30, 2015 4:42 am

Thanks for the reply, Nicky. It helps me understand what you were referring to in your response and also helps me know you a bit better.

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Tara » Sun Oct 04, 2015 7:24 am

I want to make a comment about the pain mentioned at the beginning of this thread. About a year and a half ago I was interested in learning what AJ was teaching about why we experience pain. The main reason is because we are in denial of an emotion, if the pain continues or gets worse than we putting ourselves in a place where we could damage ourselves further physically or emotionally or even both. I mention this because Lisa you mentioned that you have been feeling deep pain and where there is pain love does not exist. It is good to feel pain so that we know there is something to work on, if we are not open to feeling the emotion that causes the pain then the pain will continue or get worse. It is also better to include God in your healing process because it is much harder without her. I have started the past 3 or 4 months feeling anger more than I have and starting to admit I have it, although I am not perfect at this yet and still deny my anger at times I have learned being open to feeling anger has helped me see that an intense pain I felt a while back was being felt because I did not want to feel my anger and I also feel there may be some fear there as well. I am not sure what emotion Lisa it is for that you are not feeling. One place that has helped me work through some of my men issues which I am still working through is to look at the relationship with my dad. Something that I have been doing when I get stuck on a subject is look at it from the perspective of my dad, then my mom, then even to how my grandparents saw the subject, how I see the subject, and how God sees the subject. How did your father treat your mother and how did your mother treat your father? Always have God and your spirit guides involved in this process. I feel that I know who my soulmate is, he has told me that he feels that he does not know if I am his soulmate and there have been times where he says he feels I am not his soulmate; he is allowd to feel this way. The reason I believe he is my soulmate is because regardless of how long we separate or what country we live in we always manage to come back together even when we both think we will never see each other again we always seem to come back together. A mutual friend of ours was angry at both myself and my soulmate and we came back together through him and my soulmate was looking for a job all over the place in surrounding towns away from where I live, the only place he found one was in the same town where I live; these are a few things that have pulled us together. Also when I first met him he felt so familiar that the feeling had me in awe about what it meant and it is something I am not really sure how to put it in words. I still have alot of things to work through and there are times where I feel like I am not working through anything at all. Lisa as you work on yourself more and grow more in love than you will attract your soulmate more whether he is this man you think he is or another man. I hope some of this helps you or even someone else. Here is a link where AJ talks about why we experience pain from the FAQ channel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vowtIcXKMJ0

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Re: Feeling the pain of Soulmate's Rejection

Post by Amanda Stracey » Sun Oct 04, 2015 9:10 am

Hi Tara your post about pain and something else I heard this morning helped me connect to a picture of using someone else as a sticking plaster or bandage over my wound and not having the faith that the wound is better exposed rather than covered and can then heal.

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